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Do brainy women REALLY have better sex? Yes, yes, YES!!!: Romance : Nigerialog.com - Nigeria's Premier Online Forum

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Do brainy women REALLY have better sex? Yes, yes, YES!!!

By: y0ifcf (M) |Time : July 02, 2018, 08:19:01 AM
All women - and, thankfully, a growing number of men - know that good sex begins in the mind, so it makes sense that the better the mind, the better the sex.

New research, by Professor Tim Spector at King's College in London, has revealed that brainy women have hotter sex lives - including up to twice as many orgasms - than their less switched-on sisters.

Funnily enough, I've just come to the same conclusion myself. While Professor Spector interviewed 2,000 female twins to get his results, I tapped into the readership of Psychologies magazine - women aged from 20 to 65. But our results were identical.

If you'd looked at my email inbox in the past couple of months, you'd have found dozens of messages, all on one subject: sex. 'I've lost my sexual confidence' and 'I've discovered fantastic sex for the first time - at the age of 52!' were typical.
No, I wasn't the subject of an internet spam campaign: we were researching women's sexual lives, trying
to discover what makes for a happy and fulfilling sex life, and why that can be so relatively rare.

We discovered three things. First, that the rewards of a good sex life are many and sometimes surprising, including not just sensual pleasure and a deeper sense of connection with a partner, but also increased confidence, more energy, better body image and a more positive attitude to life generally.

Second, that good sex isn't a given. No matter how good it may be at the start of a relationship, it ebbs and flows, and needs attention and effort to keep it on track. And finally that, yes, brainier women definitely do have better sex.

Which doesn't mean that you have to be Carol Vorderman to have a great time in bed. The kind of intelligence that will ignite your sex life is the same kind that makes you a good friend or parent, popular with your colleagues, or the kind of person people like inviting to their parties.

Emotional Intelligence, or Emotional Quotient - EQ, as opposed to the more familiar IQ - is our ability to understand and express our emotions, and to read and react to the emotions of others. Applied to our romantic and sexual lives, I call it Sexual Intelligence, or SQ. It involves imagination, creativity, empathy and self-awareness.

Some people seem to just 'have it'. (Bill Clinton's apparently puzzling sex appeal had nothing to do with his looks, and everything to do with his legendary EQ.) But anyone can develop and improve it - and that means that anyone can give themselves the gift of a better sex life.
Emotional Intelligence leads directly to better Sexual Intelligence in several ways. According to therapist Georgia Foster: 'It is your mind, not your body, that makes you feel seductive.
'Sexual messages originate in your mind, then flow to your body, with or without another person there. Imagine and create your own sensual movie, and you will feel your sexual energy building and energising you.'
This is a key part of sexual intelligence, and a surprise for many of us: healthy desire has less to do with our partners - and a lot to do with us.

Rather than blaming our mate, or waiting - as too many women do - for the 'perfect' man who will somehow understand how to press all our buttons, we can create desire in our own minds and learn, with our partners, how to satisfy them.

For that, you need the confidence to express your desire and help your partner understand what turns you on, as well as being alert to his signals and working out what will drive him crazy.

That means there's actually an awful lot of information and emotional processing going on there, and it's why intelligent women will always make better lovers than beautiful but boring or selfish women.

A gorgeous woman will always attract sexual partners, but she won't have a satisfying sex life if she relies on her beautiful body alone, or if sex is just a way to bolster her ego.

The sex therapist Dr David Schnarch points out that good sex is only for those who are 'emotionally adult' - people who understand themselves and their physical and psychological motivations. A lot of women told us that they went through phases of losing their desire -
after a baby or an illness, or when their relationship was going through a difficult patch, were common trouble spots.

Being honest and self-aware enough to recognise what is really troubling you and to have the confidence and communication skills to ask for what you want are smart ways to get out of a sexual rut.

Questions such as 'Is it OK for a mother to be sexy?', such feelings as 'You care about work more than me', and complaints such as 'You never touch me except when you want to have sex' should be expressed so you can work out together how to improve your sex life.
'You can always bring desire back,' insists Georgia Foster. 'Think yourself sexy and use your brain to overrule any doubts about your sexuality.

'Women who have emotional intelligence will use it to rebuild their confidence, and be able to identify and resolve issues with their partners, rather than withholding sex or losing desire.'

We uncovered some wonderful stories in our researches: women who had put up with boring, soul-destroying sex for years and were now enjoying a late-blooming sex life.
These sexual awakenings always followed an emotional journey: women who'd been through a divorce which had made them face up to the real reasons their relationships had not worked out; others who realised that they had been brainwashed with negative sexual messages by parents or partners, and who had to build their confidence and a new sexual identity from scratch.
There were also women in long-term relationships who found sex to be 'the glue and the poetry' in their marriage, and younger women discovering true sexual liberation when they found a partner who 'lets me really be myself - I feel I can say, share and be anything with him'.
In every case, a sexually happy woman was an emotionally intelligent woman. Smart girls really do have more fun.

• MAUREEN RICE is editor of Psychologies magazine, on sale now.


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Re: So do brainy women REALLY have better sex? Yes, yes, YES!!!

By: y0ifcf (M) |Time : July 02, 2018, 08:22:48 AM
NOW FIND OUT HOW SEXY YOUR MIND IS...

BY DR PAM SPURR

ANSWER each question absolutely honestly. If it's a situation you haven't encountered, make a guess at how you'd genuinely respond.

1. If my partner isn't pleasing me in the bedroom, I would...
A) Definitely tell him what's wrong
B) Probably ignore the problem
C) Tell him what's right and encourage more of that

2. When a partner, friend or family member hurts my feelings, I...
A) Lash out, trying to hurt them back
B) Sulk a bit but eventually try to talk it through
C) Say firmly but not aggressively how they've hurt my feelings

3. I often seem to get 'the wrong end of the stick' whether in relationships or at work...
A) Yes, definitely
B) Sometimes I do
C) No, I don't

4. When it comes to knowing if a man is attracted to me...
A) I never seem to get it right
B) Sometimes I can tell
C) I can nearly always/always tell

5. When it comes to a friend having a problem, they...
A) Don't confide in me
B) Sometimes confide in me
C) Definitely cry on my shoulder

6. When I like a man, I...
A) Never know how to attract his attention
B) Find it's tricky attracting his attention
C) Am a good judge of how to attract his attention

7. When I'm upset, I...
A) Find it impossible to put into words
B) Sometimes find it difficult to put into words
C) Find I can put it into words

8. I expect my boyfriend to read my mind...
A) Definitely, if he cares about me he should be able to
B) Sometimes I expect him to
C) I don't expect him to mind-read

9. Would you handle a problem with a friend in the same way you would with a partner?
A) No, definitely not, it's completely different
B) I'm not sure, but only if the situation was very similar
C) Yes, my problem-solving skills would probably apply to both

10. When discussing sensitive issues...
A) I always put my foot in it
B) I sometimes get it right
C) I'm complimented on how well I handle them

11. I often feel overwhelmed by my emotions...
A) Yes, definitely
B) Sometimes I do
C) No, rarely do I feel overwhelmed

12. Would others describe you as 'thick skinned'?
A) Yes, they probably would
B) I suspect I might have been described like that
C) No, I'm sure I've not been described that way

13. When it comes to apologising for something I've done, I...
A) Find it impossible
B) Find it tricky but manage to apologise
C) Find I can apologise in a genuine way

14. When it comes to so-called 'intuition'...
A) I don't believe I can trust it
B) I get confused by it
C) I believe it's important to trust my intuition

15. If I felt jealous of my partner chatting to another woman, I'd...
A) Have a real go at him for making me feel jealous
B) Go over and over the situation to try to decide what was right
C) Challenge my feelings to decide if they were justified

16. When it comes to sex, I...
A) Find it impossible to say what I like
B) Make a half-hearted attempt to say what I like
C) Can always find a way of saying what I like

17. If I can tell my partner's in a bad mood, I...
A) Won't leave him alone until he tells me what's going on
B) Don't know where to 'put myself', but try to be there for him
C) Give him a bit of time and space before asking what's up

18. When someone near to me is very angry or upset, I...
A) Definitely absorb their bad mood
B) Feel I'm walking a bit on eggshells
C) Can set boundaries on their bad mood

19. If I came across someone I didn't know well (eg a colleague) who was upset, I'd...
A) Give them the widest possible berth
B) Hesitate about going up to them - it really depends on the situation
C) Say hello and ask if there's anything I can do or someone I can fetch

20. A new boyfriend repeatedly lets you down, but seems to have good excuses. Do you...
A) Take him at his word - what else can I do?
B) Feel uneasy and not sure what to do
C) Challenge him about the way he lets me down and find out what is going on

MAINLY As - LOW EQ
Oh dear, emotional things don't come easy to you! You struggle with recognising different emotional states and how to handle them. You don't know where to put yourself when others are in difficulties. And you don't know how to express yourself when you have difficulties. It's time to learn to read emotions - yours and those of others - at a higher level.

MAINLY Bs - MODERATE EQ
Well, things could be worse when it comes to your emotional literacy. There's room for improvement with your EQ, but the good news is that you've started down the right path.

MAINLY Cs - HIGH EQ
Your high EQ means life's much easier for you than the emotionally illiterate. You understand your emotions, don't feel threatened by the emotions of others, and try to put your high EQ to work when solving life dilemmas. You understand that emotions have a purpose - to make us understand and respond to the situation.

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