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12 Real Couples Reveal Why They Don't Have Sex Anymore: Romance : Nigerialog.com - Nigeria's Premier Online Forum

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12 Real Couples Reveal Why They Don't Have Sex Anymore

By: Ramjoe (M) |Time : April 13, 2019, 06:16:19 AM
1. It started to feel like a chore.

"Oftentimes, I'll be playing a video game and I'll be really into it but there's a nagging thought in my head that I really need to do the dishes.

I know that if I get up to do the dishes now that I won't have that thought anymore and I'll be able to relax and play my game. Sex is the dishes in this analogy."

2. The romance had evaporated.

"[My] wife came in my office last night nude and said 'let's go have sex.' No foreplay, no seduction, no kissing, no romance.... I said I was feeling ill. Really, I am so uninterested at this point I don't ever want to have sex with her again."

3. Intimacy stopped existing outside the bedroom.

"Dear husband, I know you want to have sex more, and I guess I do too. But throughout the years you've forgotten that having sex is an all day affair. Not in the literal sense, but in the sense that in order for both partners to feel the connection and desire there must be more attention paid to the relationship. You have no idea how much I want you to desire me all day long and show me. We are at the point where we kiss twice a day (once before we leave for work and once before bed). You don't hug me or touch me. You don't tell me I look beautiful or pretty. We tried implementing a 'kiss as soon as we both get home' thing but it lasted a week and then was never repeated. Those little touches and gestures would add up so quickly and they'd cost us nothing. I know you're not one for physical displays of affection, you won't even hold my hand in public, but I need the small physical things to want the bigger physical things."

4. Birth control had negative side effects.

"The relationship did start out sexually. We were very active in that sense. About eight months ago, my boyfriend and I decided oral birth control was a good idea and I have been taking it ever since. I did notice a change in my libido and our sex life slowed."

5. They didn't share the same kinks.

"We've been dating for three years, and I found out a few months ago that he has this fetish. I will admit that it's strange and slightly off-putting from my POV. It's nothing that I can do to him or him do to me — it's the type of girls he likes (which means I would have to absolutely alter my appearance in order to please him)."

6. One person wanted sex more than the other.

"Her reason is that she thinks I want it too often and it is a complete turn off with me trying to have sex everyday. She said she was happy with our couple of times a week (I keep count and we average once every 27 days … !!). I told her we haven't had sex twice in the one week in years, of course she goes into LL (low libido) mode the second she knows I've been counting and turns it against me as if I'm a freak for doing so."

7. Marriage changed things.

"It's so hard to be the only one who wants to have sex. When we were dating he was so encouraging about being confident with my sexuality. He wanted me to feel comfortable to ask him when I wanted to try new things... I had never even been in to a sex shop until after we got together ... But he opened my eyes to how beautiful the sexual experience can be ... Now [that we're married] he's taken it away and I'm at such a loss."

8. Insecurity made sex scary.

"I hate my body. He says he loves it but I find it disgusting. I actively avoid looking in mirrors anywhere but at my face and I don't like to be naked even when I'm alone, let alone when he can see. I am currently trying to exercise and eat better to make this problem better."

9. Part of the couple is asexual.

"I am dating an asexual person and I am not asexual. It can be a bit confusing at times but there is so much more to a relationship than sex. I couldn't imagine losing such an amazing package of a girl just because we don't have sex."

10. Libidos changed as you get older.

"Now in our 40s she's getting more horny. She really does want to have more sex and more frequently, regularly. Sometimes she talks about it daily for a week straight. But I'm almost never into it. I make a lot of excuses and distract her with other things (like chores we have to do, or TV shows that I know she likes)."

11. Sex stopped being a factor in the relationship.

"It's been two years! When I bring it up he is apologetic and promises to work on it, but he will NEVER bring it up himself. He's content to act like sex doesn't exist. I've forgotten what it is like to see him actually turned out. It has been years since he has looked at me with any kind of desire."

12. Having kids ruined their sex life.

"Kids killed my sex life and relationship with my wife. When kids were born, my wife went into mother mode 24/7 and everything she did had something to do with kids — choosing a meal, restaurant, holiday, cinema, EVERYTHING was connected with kids. Whenever I wanted a small part of her attention she attacked me and said that I don't want to spend time with kids."

elite daily - loveprob

Re: 12 Real Couples Reveal Why They Don't Have Sex Anymore

By: Ramjoe (M) |Time : April 13, 2019, 06:21:14 AM
I pity 9. Methinks that 12 is sad.

Re: 12 Real Couples Reveal Why They Don't Have Sex Anymore

By: princepoint |Time : April 13, 2019, 10:19:57 AM
2 & 9........
Abysmal can ruin one's sex life

Re: 12 Real Couples Reveal Why They Don't Have Sex Anymore

By: alagbe003 (M) |Time : April 13, 2019, 12:39:57 PM
Some points here are the reason some people don't want to get married but rather have a baby mama.

Re: 12 Real Couples Reveal Why They Don't Have Sex Anymore

By: dayan (M) |Time : April 13, 2019, 06:51:00 PM
9 is an underestimated problem in marriages.
Sometimes, it is misdiagnosed, because one part of the couple may present it in religious light,
as if the other part demanding sex is "sinful".
It takes the boldness of the part demanding sex to make a firm claim and stand his/her ground to demand it.
And of course if that fails, to divorce and find someone sexually compatible.
Not having sex is dangerous to the marriage and to society.

Re: 12 Real Couples Reveal Why They Don't Have Sex Anymore

By: dayan (M) |Time : April 13, 2019, 07:07:33 PM
No 12 is still an excuse that sometimes people in No 9. situation use to justify not having sex.
It is a pretext, IMHO, because women who are normal and have healthy sexual appetite NEVER miss the opportunity to have sex.
Yes, I know that childbirth changes women sometimes, but not to the extent of changing a woman who used to LOVE sex to one who now hates it.
Women's sexual appetite is set from day one, and it hardly changes, and even if it changes, the change is usually marginal.
One virgin I know got married and went berserk with sex (she loves sex so much that her husband struggles to catch up). Yet another virgin I know got married and totally hates sex such that her husband has to always pry it out of her.
Methinks that people should know that this problem (asexuality ) exists, and not mistake it for religious piety or "righteousness". It is actually a medical and psychological problem that can be cured if the person involved is willing.
A lot of ignorance leads people to dysfunctional marriages that leads to infidelity and divorces.

Re: 12 Real Couples Reveal Why They Don't Have Sex Anymore

By: Ramjoe (M) |Time : April 15, 2019, 05:00:36 AM
9 is an underestimated problem in marriages.
Sometimes, it is misdiagnosed, because one part of the couple may present it in religious light,
as if the other part demanding sex is "sinful".
It takes the boldness of the part demanding sex to make a firm claim and stand his/her ground to demand it.
And of course if that fails, to divorce and find someone sexually compatible.
Not having sex is dangerous to the marriage and to society.

You can't be more right!

I can't even, for a second, imagine myself coping with an asexual partner. God forbid bad thing. Ah!  :o why!

Just sick!

Re: 12 Real Couples Reveal Why They Don't Have Sex Anymore

By: dayan (M) |Time : April 15, 2019, 08:22:08 AM
You can't be more right!

I can't even, for a second, imagine myself coping with an asexual partner. God forbid bad thing. Ah!  :o why!

Just sick!

Believe me , it is not easy to distinguish between the two.
It is easy to mix asexuality with chastity or "innocence", or even "being reserved" together.

Not to get me wrong, some people are more reserved and more chaste than others, and that is a good thing.
However, you have to be sure of what is really going on; to distinguish between reservedness from asexuality.
Innocence has no place in sex. QED.

In Africa, nobody has taken time to educate the public or even study these things.
What we see is rather people mistaking things and drawing wrong conclusions.

I think there is one test though that distinguishes them, but that test is rather conducted late; ie during the act itself, or just immediately after the act has happened. It is not easy to spot before the act, because a normal woman, for example, still has her pride and comportment. But after the act, her body language cannot pretend anymore ... unless she is of course asexual. An asexual woman would always make a man feel as if she just did him a favour, while a normal woman would not do that. I've heard of men who must buy gifts for their wives before they make love to them. Some husbands even buy expensive dresses for their wives before they are allowed to "do" :o
Let me not say more on this...  :-

Any person who knows of the existence of asexuality would be able to know from just ONE encounter whether the person they are with is asexual. They may even be able to know BEFORE the act. But the person has to pay FULL attention to be able to pick up all the clues and hints. Most people are carried away enjoying themselves that they hardly pay attention to the person they are with. THAT is how they miss it. 

Re: 12 Real Couples Reveal Why They Don't Have Sex Anymore

By: dayan (M) |Time : April 15, 2019, 07:47:15 PM
Now that I thought about it more, I think there is a simpler (and less intrusive) way of guessing whether a potential mate is asexual.
Simply ask the person what his or her sexual fantasies are.
Most of the times, asexual people don't have any.
Normal people have particular sexual fantasies: skin tone, height, shape of body part, hair style, intelligence level ... you name it.
To be clear, I don't mean "lust" or what they lust after.
I mean that thing they prefer to see in their opposite sex mate.
I recall one of my friends back in the Uni days.
This guy would thumb down some of the most beautiful girls, and each time I asked him why he didn't approve of one, he would say "I don't like the shape of her mouth".  :o :o
I used to ask him, what are you doing with her mouth?! And he would simply laugh and keep quiet.
But THAT is his fantasy.
Asexual people don't have it. 

Now please some prove me wrong!

Re: 12 Real Couples Reveal Why They Don't Have Sex Anymore

By: Ramjoe (M) |Time : April 19, 2019, 06:10:06 AM
Now that I thought about it more, I think there is a simpler (and less intrusive) way of guessing whether a potential mate is asexual.
Simply ask the person what his or her sexual fantasies are.
Most of the times, asexual people don't have any.
Normal people have particular sexual fantasies: skin tone, height, shape of body part, hair style, intelligence level ... you name it.
To be clear, I don't mean "lust" or what they lust after.
I mean that thing they prefer to see in their opposite sex mate.
I recall one of my friends back in the Uni days.
This guy would thumb down some of the most beautiful girls, and each time I asked him why he didn't approve of one, he would say "I don't like the shape of her mouth".  :o :o
I used to ask him, what are you doing with her mouth?! And he would simply laugh and keep quiet.
But THAT is his fantasy.
Asexual people don't have it. 

Now please some prove me wrong!

Hehehehe... I can't prove you wrong now, can I?

In my case - it's the mouth and the eyes.  :))

Re: 12 Real Couples Reveal Why They Don't Have Sex Anymore

By: dayan (M) |Time : April 19, 2019, 08:49:29 AM
Hehehehe... I can't prove you wrong now, can I?

In my case - it's the mouth and the eyes.  :))

I no talk am?!  :o :o  :))  :-  8)

Anyway, errm...
Let me push my luck here a little with you, because my friend back then didn't want to tell me.
Abeg no vex, make I ask: wetin dey for mouth sef? I hope it is not what I'm thinking! :))
Pushing my luck further, is there a Nollywood actress or any celebrity that has that type of mouth?
Maybe I'm a mouth person but never knew it! 

Re: 12 Real Couples Reveal Why They Don't Have Sex Anymore

By: Ramjoe (M) |Time : April 22, 2019, 07:06:10 AM
I no talk am?!  :o :o  :))  :-  8)

Anyway, errm...
Let me push my luck here a little with you, because my friend back then didn't want to tell me.
Abeg no vex, make I ask: wetin dey for mouth sef? I hope it is not what I'm thinking! :))
Pushing my luck further, is there a Nollywood actress or any celebrity that has that type of mouth?
Maybe I'm a mouth person but never knew it!

Pushing it indeed... Understand this though, what appeals to me about the mouth may be totally different from what appeals to your friend.

Hmmm... For me, it's the size (I like them small), then the shape... Oversized ponmo doesn't cut it for me... I'm a bit choosy  ::), the lips too, small (preferably pink on the lower side)... Dayan eyaf put me in trouble...  ;D


Nollywood? I don't see many movies from here besides I don't want to give that away. I know two or three but who wouldn't like their mouths? They are the popular ones too.

Instead, I'd tell you that bulging eyeballs - total turn off for me.

Re: 12 Real Couples Reveal Why They Don't Have Sex Anymore

By: dayan (M) |Time : May 03, 2019, 08:31:20 AM
Pushing it indeed... Understand this though, what appeals to me about the mouth may be totally different from what appeals to your friend.

Hmmm... For me, it's the size (I like them small), then the shape... Oversized ponmo doesn't cut it for me... I'm a bit choosy  ::), the lips too, small (preferably pink on the lower side)... Dayan eyaf put me in trouble...  ;D


Nollywood? I don't see many movies from here besides I don't want to give that away. I know two or three but who wouldn't like their mouths? They are the popular ones too.

Instead, I'd tell you that bulging eyeballs - total turn off for me.

[email protected] "oversize Ponmo"  ;D ;D ;D
Now that you mentioned it, I don't mine bigger lips at all, provided it doesn't look like elephant trunk of course.  :))
As for the bulging eyeballs, it means you can't like Eve Essien

eve 1.jpg

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