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Habits that kill romance in relationships: Romance : Nigerialog.com - Nigeria's Premier Online Forum

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Habits that kill romance in relationships

By: dayan (M) |Time : November 10, 2019, 12:35:13 AM
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Romance is an emotional feeling of love for someone, or a strong attraction towards another person. Romantic love can be the beginning of attraction between two people.

Although the emotions and sensations of romantic love are widely associated with sexual attraction, romantic feelings can exist without expectation of physical consummation and be subsequently expressed.

It is easy to fall in love and start a relationship. But the real hard work is sustaining this relationship over a period of time. It is even more challenging for people who have been romantically involved after they get married.

For couples who have been married for over five or ten years, maintaining their romance can be nearly impossible if both parties are not putting in the work to keep their flame of love burning.

I laugh when some people claim that romance is for small children who are just starting life. These people are the same ones who will complain when their wives or girlfriends abandon them for men they feel are lesser than them because these men know the true meaning of romance.

You are not too old for romance. Romance is for the young and old. You feel good when you engage in romantic gestures with the one you love and cherish their presence. So, romance is to be enjoyed by men and women who truly want to enjoy their relationships.

People should know that the honeymoon stage doesn’t last forever, but that doesn’t mean the romance can’t stay alive throughout the course of your relationship. This is where some couples fail to keep up with the demands of their relationships and marriages.

How to keep romance alive in a long-term relationship is a question many couples have, and it will require a little extra effort on their part to keep things alive. That’s why couples should be aware of the little habits that may affect romance in their relationships.

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t allow yourself to become comfortable with your partner, but it does mean you should pay attention to some of your behaviors that might leave your relationship feeling dull, boring and uneventful.

As most people will notice, after the initial excitement and novelty wear off, couples settle into the comparatively quieter, more stable, but less exciting phase of their relationship.

When people feel more comfortable with each other, they can slip into patterns of behavior that they wouldn’t engage in with a new person. This may make their relationship boring and predictable and if care is not taken, couples may get tired of one another and find interests in other people.

To some extent, it’s great to be able to be yourself with your partner but it is worth asking how you would feel if your partner did the same thing, or did it too often. And while it is okay to want to relax into that comfortable, stable part of your relationship, it never hurts to change things up.

Staring at your phone often is one of the habits that kill romance in relationships. It’s tempting to want to unwind and scroll mindlessly through social media, but if you are not giving your partner your full attention, you will seem less engaged to them.

Staring at your phone never bothers the person doing it, but it can be really disengaging and off-putting to the person who is being ignored. Sometimes, you see couples having lunch or dinner and tapping away at the phones, basically ignoring each other.

And if you or your partner is not present in the moment, this absentmindedness can affect the connection and romance in your relationship. Couples have to spend time mindfully if they want to keep their romance alive.

Dealing with a partner who doesn’t feeling secure in your relationship kills romance. An insecure partner is a ticking time bomb. If you are not sure of how your partner is feeling, and you are afraid that they may be considering a breakup, then it’s hard to keep romance alive.

People who feel there is a risk that their partner will leave them do not feel romance or commitment as strongly as those who feel secure in their relationship. But feeling like a breakup might happen doesn’t mean it will.

If you or your partner are not feeling secure in the relationship, take a second to evaluate whether either of you have been going out of your way to tell your partner how you feel.

If both of you have not been taking the time to show each other appreciation, you might be more likely to think that a breakup will happen. And ultimately, that is what’s killing the romance, as opposed to your actual feelings.

Another thing that kills romance in relationships is picking small fights unnecessarily. The longer you and your partner have been together, the more tempting it is to point out his or her weaknesses almost all the time.

For instance, you may want to keep your living room space neat at all times, but your partner may not be the most organized person, and as a result you find yourselves bickering over little messes. Your messy partner might not fit into this kind of lifestyle.

Your need to keep things tidy can start fights over silly things. Although it is typical and healthy of couples to fight, these types of quarrels can be avoided. And if your partner perceives that you may be trying to change them, this could lead to further tension within the relationship.

The need to work everything out or be perfect at all times is not good for a romantic relationship. It is great to have regular and open communication with your partner, but not every little issue needs to be a serious, analytical discussion.

You might be ready to discuss what is on your mind, but too much of analyzing all the little things that happen and having to work it out perfectly can turn off your partner. While certain disagreements are completely necessary to talk through, bickering over something small may be something you can move past.

Disrespecting your partner, refusing to listen to their views on certain issues and treating them like they don’t have sense kills romance especially in long term marriages.

When I hear men say that their wives don’t know anything about money, investment and business, I laugh. They are the kind of men who run their businesses into the ground because they are too proud to listen to their wives’ suggestions and ideas.

You have no business being married to someone you feel is not wise or whose advice you won’t take because you feel superior to them. Couples should stop disrespecting one another. It doesn’t add anything good to their relationships.

Staying passionate in relationships doesn’t require that you spend all your time together. Demanding your partner’s constant attention, not having outside interests or friends or extreme jealousy are toxic to romance.

It is healthy to spend time away from your partner. It is okay to spend time with your friends and family members even if you are married. Being married doesn’t mean you no longer have to sustain other relationships in your life.

Doing this will not only make sure you maintain your friendships outside your relationship but it can help keep romance alive. I am always appalled when some women married claim that their husbands are their all in all. That’s creepy. What happened to other relationships in your life?

Even though the early days of the honeymoon period are over, the romance doesn’t have to go with it. By being mindful of these habits, couples can ensure the spark stays while keeping happy and healthy relationships.

 

Re: Are you disrespecting your spouse?

You are just misleading women with your feminist views on marriage and respect. Men deserve to be respected because God made them the heads of homes and women are to be loved.

You should stop going against the laws of God by saying men and women are equal and deserve to be respected. I doubt you are a Christian so you don’t understand how these things work.

Kate, use your column to teach women to stop rubbing shoulders with their husbands so that their marriages can last a lifetime. Men are gods and women should serve their husbands.

-Boniface, Abuja

I hope your articles are to encourage couples who are into normal relationships? The issue of disrespect as addressed by you gave me food for thought. A large percentage of relationships are far from being ideal.

When couples find themselves in a make believe marriages, the consequences are dire as listed by your write up. But for the sake of self respect and a healthy life, l will plead with your audience to never settle with a partner that does not value them.

Trapping a man with pregnancy is a stupid decision. Getting married to Mr. available is tantamount to a life sentence. And to those money bags who think they can buy wives, their homes will be filled with children they didn’t father.

The same woman you disrespect is having her fun elsewhere, while watching your foolishness. To use sex as a weapon for ulterior motive is a huge mistake couples make. For goodness sakes, who do you expect your partner to do it with?

The challenges and risks are too many to mention. Couples should make amends and let their partners drink from them as long as their health permits. Thank you for encouraging healthy relationships.

-Femi Oni

 

Nature and the holy scriptures are united in agreement that respect in marriage and relationship is reciprocal, but selfishness propelled by greed and inhumane societal norms make many men to unashamedly refused to accept the undeniable reality of life.

Any man or woman who demands respect from his or her spouse without returning the same is thoughtless, insensitive, inhumane and wicked.

Women are the major sufferer but many men who claim to be only one entitled to respect from their wives are reaping the bitter fruits of fathering illegitimate kids by their wives’ retaliatory away matches.

-Stephen, Abuja

 

Kate, your message is clear. Some women use sex as an instrument of pay back in marriages and this is not right. I love your boldness in addressing some knotty marriage issues.

-Oja, Cross River

 

Kate thanks. Couples should carry each other along in their decisions and ventures. Men should use their wives as their next of kin. They should beware of scolding their wives before a house help.

-Cletus Frenchman, Enugu
Rapheal


Source: Sun

Re: Habits that kill romance in relationships

By: dayan (M) |Time : November 10, 2019, 12:42:21 AM
Obviously this issue has a lot of cultural undercurrents and could present cases where one culture's food is another culture's poison!

If I'm allowed to parse or paraphrase this topic (especially of "romance") in MARRIAGE, then it does go deeper into ambient culture of the participants.
I shall post another topic where an Igbo woman is advising her fellow Igbo women on how they are supposed to behave in the presence of their husbands in order for the love flame (at least from the husband's side) to continue burning.

I shall return here to give my usual 2 kobo opinion on this topic.

Check back later to read my take!

Re: Habits that kill romance in relationships

By: dayan (M) |Time : November 10, 2019, 02:11:20 AM
The only thing that jumped out, for me, in this article is the quote below:

Quote
It is healthy to spend time away from your partner. It is okay to spend time with your friends and family members even if you are married. Being married doesn’t mean you no longer have to sustain other relationships in your life.

Doing this will not only make sure you maintain your friendships outside your relationship but it can help keep romance alive. I am always appalled when some women married claim that their husbands are their all in all. That’s creepy. What happened to other relationships in your life?

Summarized: Too much closeness and lack of outside relationships choke the average human being.
The people it doesn't choke are usually insecure people who are insecure in their romantic relationships.

Normal confident people get choked if they have no healthy relationships outside,  and they seek outlets, some of which may not be healthy.

So, it is better for couples to create, maintain and nurture relationships (obviously healthy ones) OUTSIDE of the existing ones to keep the engine of romance going.

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