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Common signs your relationship is failing and how to fix them: Romance : Nigerialog.com - Nigeria's Premier Online Forum

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Common signs your relationship is failing and how to fix them

By: Gideon |Time : August 10, 2017, 09:43:00 AM
There are some signs your relationship is going to end. There are also ways to prevent it.

Eric Barker explains 4 signs (or 4 horseman) that will lead to a relationship ending.

John Gottman, who’s generally considered the foremost researcher in terms of happy marriages, has defined four things that are the four horsemen of the relationship apocalypse.

These are the four problems people run into the real cause issues in marriages and cause marriages to end.

 Criticism.

This is when you start looking at and focusing on just the negatives of your partner as opposed to balancing them out with things you appreciate.

 Defensiveness

Where people aren’t listening to their partner, they’re being reactive, and they’re just angrily responding rather than listening and actually have an exchange about it.

Stonewalling

Where people just shut down. They’re not listening, they’re not responding, they’re not involving, the dialogue stops.

Contempt

Where you just lose respect for the other person you see them as less than you. Less than they are. When these four things are present, these are serious signs that the relationships in trouble. They’re things that you want to avoid in any relationship that you want to last.

On the flip side Gottman talks about three positive things that you can use to help the relationship as opposed to the four horsemen.

 knowing thy partner.

The better you get to know your partner than the better and healthier your interactions can be. He actually talks about creating love maps, sort of maps of how this person sees the world from their point of view from their perspective.

 Responding to bids.

Bids are when they try to do something positive. They hold your hand. They compliment you. Responding to these bids make the other person feel secure in the relationship.

Showing admiration.

That’s a level of positively. As opposed to the four horsemen, which are all negative, showing admiration is saying you respect your partner. You actually may see them as better than they are which is a very positive sign in a relationship.
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