Date: January 16, 2019, 03:45:48 PM
Your Wife Is Not Your Best Friend, And Thinking She Is Will Kill Your Marriage: Family : Nigerialog.com - Nigeria's Premier Online Forum
Our friends are attached to us because they want to, when they want to,” marriage and family therapist Carrie Krawiec told Fatherly. “They have volition and empowerment to leave or at least take space from us when necessary. Our partners are connected to our homes, family, schedules, life.”
The article is interesting, but I disagree with some parts.
In most cases our friends do not live with us, are not financially, legally, relationally entwined with us. Our friends are attached to us because they want to, when they want to,” marriage and family therapist Carrie Krawiec told Fatherly. “They have volition and empowerment to leave or at least take space from us when necessary. Our partners are connected to our homes, family, schedules, life.”
Singles like me , I've heard it a load of times that it's the safest marriage when you marry your best friend, when you marry someone you share a very intimate friendship with. I've always have my doubts concerning this. On many occasions, I have voiced my opinion on marriage that one marriage differs from another. You cannot use your marriage as a benchmark for another neither should you use another as a benchmark for yours. You are you, your wife is different from the other man's wife as well. Starting from basics like where you met your partner, how you wooed her, how you talk, how you make love, how you relate economically, spiritually or even physically. These things can't be generalized for everyone. This article is enlightening. Even I think it's safer to see your partner as a spouse (a husband or a wife) than a as friend so you don't add that extra burden of cheerleaders, supporters even when you are making decisions they don't really buy into. Hehehehe... There are always exceptions, right? There will be some who are best friends with their partners BUT that's not you, at least not yet. You have to know yourself, understand your partner, build YOUR home together. It doesn't have to be exactly like your neighbor's home, if you try that it's a battle you cannot win. There's a reason I'm still single
One of these days, some smart babe will nab you, I assure you. You can't run for ever!
@Ramjoe, your point about marriages being unique in each instance stands like a colossus.Touche! Maybe that is what Alagbe wanted to say, but I’d wait till he says so specifically. Marriages are in fact unique, for each case, and it is really a mistake to compare two.I guess the article was probably talking about majority of cases, at least that is what I assume.But I want this conversation to go deeper and longer because I've seen a few marriages whereby the man and his wife are "friends" but the couple dysfunctions somehow. Case 1: In one instance, the man now holds no opinions until his wife signs off on it. And he goes virtually nowhere without the wife - I mean he goes EVERYWHERE with his wife. The result? The man is not having a good relationship with any other human being outside of his wife. And unfortunately for him, she is not a good person. She is the type that wants to manipulate extended family relationships. So the man is lost to his extended family, because of her. I do not believe that a man should be distant in any way with his extended family because they are the only thing that can make life sensible. And they will fight for you if the need arises.Nearly every woman would want to posses her husband and keep him under her own control. Those who have been in marriages know this fact. The onus is on the man to maintain the right distance, hence balance, in the family relationships.Case 2: Similar to case one, except worse. In this case, the woman dictates who the man can have normal relationship with: siblings, parents, friends, ANYONE. If the wife didn't want the husband to relate with any individual, he simply can't do it. Meanwhile the guy is a good and intelligent man. But then he has no life outside what his wife wants. Yet, to make matters worse, the wife changes men like clothes. There is no time since their marriage that the wife didn't have a "side-nigga". Even her ex-boy friends used to visit and live with the couple years after she got married to the man. But the man DARED NOT cheat. I can go on and on for this couple but I believe the point is clear.So, it is my belief that the common mistake in both cases is the fact that the man has his wife as "friend". Not saying that a man's spouse shouldn't be close enough to know everything about the man's life: finances, health issues, business contacts, relationships, insurances, investments... you've know things that will help her to fight to defend the family, too, if he is somehow unable to; after-all she is an equal partner in it. But to do more... dunno.I end with a question: Do you know any married couple that are close friends (as related in this article) that are fully functional in relating with other people: family, friends, etc? Couples not having the problems of the couples I cited above? Please share, with details. Waiting patiently to continue this conversation...
They consult each other for everything. And they are happy. I eat there every now and then... So this is an insider story.
Anyways, the nurse finally came home. She's now his everything (best friend especially). He doesn't make a decision (especially important ones) without consulting her. She decides a lot, if not all things happening in the house. She's a nurse, he's a surveyor... She tells him when to be good to his family (almost always: because she is a good person). She told him to bring his niece home and train her when the poor girl lost her mother, she's nice to her, buys things for her and her brother who's in the northern Nigeria. She's supporting of her husband’s extended family and obviously he does hers. They consult each other for everything. And they are happy. I eat there every now and then... So this is an insider story.
In other words you are a biased party in this case!