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What is the first thing you look for in a wife? : Family : Nigerialog.com - Nigeria's Premier Online Forum

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What is the first thing you look for in a wife?

By: dayan (M) |Time : November 16, 2019, 06:13:08 AM
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What is the first thing you look for in a wife?

Looks?

Character?

What exactly tips the balance for you when you want to decide whether to settle with a particular woman, for life?

Please share as much as you can because it may help someone to plan appropriately before they settle down.
This can help both men and women; so this is really gender neutral.

Let's go at it.

I shall go first!

Re: What is the first thing you look for in a wife?

By: dayan (M) |Time : November 16, 2019, 06:37:02 AM
Okay, for me it is COMPATIBILITY.

And that word "compatibility" is an organic term that evolves with the times. It is not really a static thing.

It is possible to be compatible with someone today, but still become incompatible in the years ahead.

A LOT of factors influence compatibility, but I would also say that it is not a hopeless situation.

What really matters is that there is enough "want" or "commitment" on the parts of the couple to stay together.

But let me elaborate more on a type of compatibility that is known to everyone.

An example would suffice at this point.

Some men question their women's femininity, and cannot stand women who are "tom boyish", or women who are not fully at home with being women.

Such women may be loving, caring, basically functional in all sense as women, but still cannot be "girlish" or "womanly" enough, and may sometimes clash with their husbands who may not even identify that as the problem.

Conversely, some men LOVE tomboy women! They swear by them!

One of my close relations (a girl cousin) is a tomboy, and her husband cannot leave her side, even for a minute!  :))

A lot of women are closet tom boys (for whatever reasons), and a man would need to look very carefully to find out.

The point though is this: Why is the tom boy factor an issue to some men, and not to others?

You guessed right: COMPATIBILITY!

So, to me, a man should basically focus on this one factor (compatibility); for example to make sure that he can live with a woman regardless of her place in the femininity spectrum.

Every other thing can be worked on later and would not be deal breakers.

Re: What is the first thing you look for in a wife?

By: Ramjoe (M) |Time : November 16, 2019, 07:03:43 PM
If it's just the first thing I look out for... That's beauty :<3. Please, don't judge me. Who doesn't like fine stuff? The looks mehnnnnn.

Going further to answer the question of what tips the balance... for life. That's definitely beyond looks. It's more than beauty.

In my little sojourn in this dimension, I have come to realize that each woman at one point or the other falls in love. They cannot fake it 100% and they cannot hide it 100% either. As for me, myself and I - the one I will choose must "choose me" too... There's no point staying with someone who doesn't love you and hoping that someday she will care about you because you "love" her. I understand the concept of playing hard to get, giving cold shoulders so as not to look cheap and all that but you see through the charade somehow. We are in a world where a lady would save contacts with names like "free dinner", "monthly subscription", "my ATM", "Maga", etc and all of these guys would actually think they have found their "soul mate" if they are not careful, such lady will milk them dry, move on and leave their lives in shambles. If you try and try but she's not gonna let you into her life, just move on - if you choose to wait for "someday" that your love will win her over, that someday may never come because sometimes (to be on the safer side I am not using most times) she just doesn't love your kind of person. Moreover, some dudes love up so much that they knowingly(emphasis on this, they intentionally)  choose to be "plan B" or "assistant boyfriends" because they don't want to "lose her" - methinks they are toying with fire... There's a reason or loads of reasons she prefers the other guy, and that reason or reasons hardly goes away permanently so even when it seems like a victory, it may be shortlived as another guy out there will beat you with same reason(s) and voila; you become the assistant again because she has probably informed you that you are not enough.

Hold your self esteem tight, man or woman, you deserve to feel loved. It's dangerous when the affinity is one-sided.

Re: What is the first thing you look for in a wife?

By: dayan (M) |Time : November 17, 2019, 07:17:20 AM
If it's just the first thing I look out for... That's beauty :<3. Please, don't judge me. Who doesn't like fine stuff? The looks mehnnnnn.

Going further to answer the question of what tips the balance... for life. That's definitely beyond looks. It's more than beauty.

In my little sojourn in this dimension, I have come to realize that each woman at one point or the other falls in love. They cannot fake it 100% and they cannot hide it 100% either. As for me, myself and I - the one I will choose must "choose me" too... There's no point staying with someone who doesn't love you and hoping that someday she will care about you because you "love" her. I understand the concept of playing hard to get, giving cold shoulders so as not to look cheap and all that but you see through the charade somehow. We are in a world where a lady would save contacts with names like "free dinner", "monthly subscription", "my ATM", "Maga", etc and all of these guys would actually think they have found their "soul mate" if they are not careful, such lady will milk them dry, move on and leave their lives in shambles. If you try and try but she's not gonna let you into her life, just move on - if you choose to wait for "someday" that your love will win her over, that someday may never come because sometimes (to be on the safer side I am not using most times) she just doesn't love your kind of person. Moreover, some dudes love up so much that they knowingly(emphasis on this, they intentionally)  choose to be "plan B" or "assistant boyfriends" because they don't want to "lose her" - methinks they are toying with fire... There's a reason or loads of reasons she prefers the other guy, and that reason or reasons hardly goes away permanently so even when it seems like a victory, it may be shortlived as another guy out there will beat you with same reason(s) and voila; you become the assistant again because she has probably informed you that you are not enough.

Hold your self esteem tight, man or woman, you deserve to feel loved. It's dangerous when the affinity is one-sided.

This is a quotable quote!

Dunno, but it just doesn't seem to end. I mean, some people still believe that they can wear down the defences of potential mates if they try hard enough.
But that is the point!
If a person is trying or "working hard" to win a lover over, it is mistaken, because love is FREE!
Love comes uninvited: It is either there, or NOT.
No need to "work" for it.  :-[

Re: What is the first thing you look for in a wife?

By: Ramjoe (M) |Time : November 17, 2019, 12:25:58 PM
This is a quotable quote!

Dunno, but it just doesn't seem to end. I mean, some people still believe that they can wear down the defences of potential mates if they try hard enough.
But that is the point!
If a person is trying or "working hard" to win a lover over, it is mistaken, because love is FREE!
Love comes uninvited: It is either there, or NOT.
No need to "work" for it.   :-[

Abi o...


If it's there, you work on it . But if it's never there, effort is brutally futile - it ends in pain.

Re: What is the first thing you look for in a wife?

By: alagbe003 (M) |Time : November 17, 2019, 03:54:32 PM
Beauty first though, which they say is in the eye of the beholder. But character makes it last longer. Ability to bear each others weakness, no one is perfect.

Re: What is the first thing you look for in a wife?

By: Gideon |Time : November 17, 2019, 06:00:34 PM
The first is good character for me. The way a lady behaves either she is physically beautiful or not is very important. How does a lady react to certain situations? Will she be humble,respectful? If she is always aggressive, despite been beautiful physically, then she does not have my approval.

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