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Nigerians react as women propose to men: Family : Nigerialog.com - Nigeria's Premier Online Forum

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Nigerians react as women propose to men

By: dayan (M) |Time : January 11, 2019, 07:57:14 PM
Some Nigerians in the Federal Capital Territory (FCT) have reacted to the strange drift of women making marriage or relationship proposals to their male counterparts.

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Women proposing to men 2

They expressed mixed views over the trend in separate with newsmen on Friday in Abuja.

They noted that although the development was alien to Nigeria’s culture, but it was becoming trendy in recent times due to increasing influence of western lifestyle, modernisation and pressure to get married.

According to some Nigerians, women who make marriage proposals to men  should be applauded for their confidence, rather than ridiculed, condemned or labeled “desperate’’.

However, others said they were against the trend, adding that such proposals have been and should remain the sole responsibility of the man.

Mr Abdul Sarki of Garki 2 said : “Some men of marriageable age delay proposing to ladies they love due to indecisiveness, poor financial status and other economic realities.

“Thank God for modernisation, women are not restricted to seek what they want, and even asking men to marry them when they feel they are suitable ”.

“The society should stop judging or condemning women that propose marriages to men, but rather applaud and encourage them for taking the bold step,’’ he urged.

Mrs Julie Fadason,  a resident in Asokoro said she proposed to her husband due to age factor and the need to start bearing children before menopause.

“I had to take the bull by the horn when I felt no marriage proposal was forthcoming despite being in a relationship for over five years with my husband.

” We were both not getting younger and we needed to act fast since we both wanted children,”  she said.

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According to her,  they  have been married for over 10 years now, and she has no regrets for taking the initiative to propose to him.

Similarly,  Mrs Jummy Okewole, a mother of two, said she was advised to propose to her husband four years ago by some friends and close relatives.

” As at the time we were dating, he had no stable job, but had prospects and was responsible that was why I heeded to advise from people close to me and proposed to him.

“Now, God has blessed him with a very good job, that he has even asked me to resign from my work and opened a business for me.”

Okewole, therefore stressed that financial status should not be used as a yardstick for Marriage proposal, rather love and loyalty should be considered.

Mrs Jummai Adamu, said she was under a lot of pressure from her family and close friends that was why she proposed to her husband.

” Even though we have talked about settling down in the future,  but my family and some friends contributed in making me to propose to my husband.

“Two of my younger sisters were already planning for their wedding, and they wanted me as the eldest to settle down before them.

“That was why I asked him to marry me or else I will settle down with another suitor, ”she said.

However, Miss Joy Obaseki, a spinster living in Karu said she could not make a marriage proposal to a suitor despite its growing trend in modern societies.

“I can not, because he might not respect me in future, especially when we have misunderstandings.

Similarly, Mr Anthony Adams a resident of Jabi said as a man it was his responsibility to propose to a woman and not the other way round.

“I feel that makes me less of a man because I am the one to take care of her and our children, so I will propose when I am ready.

“Since she is not paying the dowry, why would she make the marriage proposal?’’ he said.

It would be recalled that some female have recently taken the bull by the horn by proposing to their partners, like Judge Judy, a American TV courtroom personality.

Another example is Alecia Moore, popularly known as Pink, an American singer who proposed   to her husband Carey Hart in June 2005.

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Re: Nigerians react as women propose to men

By: dayan (M) |Time : January 11, 2019, 08:23:34 PM
Ok, this is one of those tricky topics that need depth of wisdom (true wisdom) to navigate.

Firstly, the idea is not totally alien to Africa, and I will explain shortly.
Secondly, the rate of spinster-ship in parts of Africa is getting to a crisis level, and something should be done about it.
Thirdly, why not.

The first point which is that this is not totally alien to Africa is the fact that historically, in my part of Africa (Igboland), a woman could propose to a man though not in the first marriage. A married woman who was not happy in her marriage could propose to a man of her choice by kneeling down before him in front of witnesses to present a domestic knife called "mma ekwu" in my village to signify that she has divorced her husband and is now wanting to join the household of another man as wife. Other things follow to finalize the divorce and the remarriage, but that is less relevant to the issue. It is important however to state that polygyny worked in partnership to women proposing to men because a man still reserved the right to add more wives to the ones he had provided he could afford it.

The second point is that it is obvious that something should be done about our women not getting married these days. Each time I get to my village, I see fully matured women (30s to 40s) unmarried. One man put the figure at about 35% of women who should be married, but are single. Many go into menopause without marrying.

Clearly something is decisively wrong with the marriage system we copied.

So, if this would help to get the women married, so be it!
But the women should also understand that the men may need to still marry later to assuage their romantic and sexual lives. This is a fact of life. Marriage in Igboland (or anywhere for that matter) should never really have been about "love" between people, because love dies. I watched a story on Youtube that nearly broke my heart.
A man found out that his daughter of 35 years was not his biological daughter. His wife had an 8 year affair that resulted in the birth of that 35 year old woman, and this man had worked and toiled all those years to provide for this daughter and his "loving wife". The old man just found out that he has no grandchildren from that female child of his, and his wife never even bothered to hint him on that fact all those years.

So, the more love is emphasized in a marriage the more children may suffer because love dies. It can be a permanent emotion, for the lucky few; but in most instances it fades with age and challenges of aging. What is left are real facts, like children!

So, if a woman is smart enough she should propose to the man of her choice, get babies out of him, and let him be; example, marry other women if he wants... or stay with her. A lot of women go to their old ages and graves without any children, and that to me, is a betrayal of God's intended purpose for a woman, which is to reproduce.

Finally, WHY NOT?
Already, in parts of Africa, women kneel down to accept a man's proposal. That the western world is beginning to bend towards that practice should be welcome. It never made sense to me anyway that a man should kneel down to propose to a woman. It just never made sense, to me.

The only way to understand it is to view it strictly as a culture of a part of the world which, as this article shows, can change. Any change that makes this world a more harmonious place is welcome. The world cannot be in harmony when millions of women remain unmarried, searching for a seeming golden fleece of a man who would "commit to her alone". While that is happening, fornication and adultery would be multiplying exponentially.

I rest!  ;D 8)

Re: Nigerians react as women propose to men

By: alagbe003 (M) |Time : January 12, 2019, 07:23:31 AM
As an African it seems odd, but it is not bad for a woman to propose to a man, but my fear is that it takes a mature and responsible man not to take such lady for granted.

Re: Nigerians react as women propose to men

By: dayan (M) |Time : January 12, 2019, 07:15:00 PM
As an African it seems odd, but it is not bad for a woman to propose to a man, but my fear is that it takes a mature and responsible man not to take such lady for granted.

Well, not to sound nihilistic, but the men are already taking them for granted by "using" them and not marrying them.
Do you think that all these unmarried women are virgins? They engage in sexual activities too.
And that is how fornication and adultery multiplies. More importantly, the women propose to people they know already. It makes no sense to propose to a total stranger... and of course he can say no to such proposal. No be by force.
The way I look at it is this: If a woman is good enough to have sex with, then she must be good enough to be someone's wife... and I don't care which number of wife she is; at least she has a "covering" per biblical prescription.
It is my personal theory that societies where women are less married are more amoral. And such societies are also more wicked. And they also suffer sociocultural breakdown.
Unmarried women (who would otherwise like to be married but are not) is a dangerous problem for a society.

Re: Nigerians react as women propose to men

By: Ramjoe (M) |Time : January 12, 2019, 11:37:16 PM
Ki okunrin ri ejo, ki obinrin pa. Sebi k'ejo ma ti salo ni.

This means "if a man sees a snake and a woman kills it, at least the snake doesn’t escape '

Re: Nigerians react as women propose to men

By: alagbe003 (M) |Time : January 13, 2019, 06:18:45 AM
Well, not to sound nihilistic, but the men are already taking them for granted by "using" them and not marrying them.
Do you think that all these unmarried women are virgins? They engage in sexual activities too.
And that is how fornication and adultery multiplies. More importantly, the women propose to people they know already. It makes no sense to propose to a total stranger... and of course he can say no to such proposal. No be by force.
The way I look at it is this: If a woman is good enough to have sex with, then she must be good enough to be someone's wife... and I don't care which number of wife she is; at least she has a "covering" per biblical prescription.
It is my personal theory that societies where women are less married are more amoral. And such societies are also more wicked. And they also suffer sociocultural breakdown.
Unmarried women (who would otherwise like to be married but are not) is a dangerous problem for a society.
Your points are valid, I do agree with them.

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