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Date: January 18, 2021, 08:43:28 AM

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My husband sleeps with church members, pastor’s wife tells court: Family : Nigerialog.com - Nigeria's Premier Online Forum

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My husband sleeps with church members, pastor’s wife tells court

By: dayan (M) |Time : December 14, 2020, 07:11:16 PM
“My husband is a womaniser, he sleeps with church members,’’ a 49-year-old evangelist, Chinwe Ekwe, told an Igando Customary Court on Monday in Lagos.

Chinwe spoke while responding to a divorce suit filed by her husband, Pastor Paul Ekwe, who had accused her of planning to kill him.

Chinwe said that her husband was molesting women both single and married.

“I care for him both physical and spiritual but he still chose to be flirting around with different women.

“He even brought a married woman home as wife and chased me out of our matrimonial home,’’ she said.

Chinwe said that her husband was defaming her character by telling people that she was planning to kill him.

“What do I stand to gain if I killed the father of my seven children; he is lying against me just because he wanted to marry another woman which he had done.

“My husband is uncaring, I shouldered all his responsibilities but he spends money and buys foodstuffs for his concubines,’’ Chinwe told the court.

The mother of seven daughters said that her husband got the police to arrest her, alleging that she destroyed his church and stole his five million naira.

She begged the court not to grant her husband’s wish for the dissolution of their marriage, pointing out that she still loved him in spite of his adulterous acts.

However, Ekwe has approached the court to terminate the 28-year-old marriage, accusing the wife of planning to kill him.

“My wife is planning to kill me so that she can remarry,” he said.

The petitioner described his wife as stubborn and quarrelsome.

“Our marriage is full of fights and quarrels. Chinwe makes my home uncomfortable for me and my life unbearable.

“She refused to obey my orders but does things in her own way,” he said.

He accused her of turning all their children against him, alleging that she gave one out in marriage without his knowledge.

He pleaded with the court to terminate their marriage that the love he once had for his wife had vanished.

The Court President, Mr Adeniyi Koledoye, adjourned the case until Jan. 19 for judgment. (NAN)

Re: My husband sleeps with church members, pastor’s wife tells court

By: dayan (M) |Time : December 14, 2020, 07:32:03 PM
I had to read this story three times and applied deeper wisdom before I could pinpoint what they problem(s) are.

The first problem is embedded -neither party presented it as a problem, but I know it is because this is an African (Igbo) family. I identified TWO problems here.

(1) Lack of male child:

The woman has given her husband 7 female children. My smart money is that if at least one child here were a male child, the woman would be in a stronger position, and even the man wouldn't be this irresponsible.

The man may be a womanizer, but his wife still wants to stay in the marriage, which means that he is not a demon, at least.

The woman may also be desperate to not lose her husband due to her insecurities occasioned by lack of a male child.

What I know for sure is that most woman would flee an evil man regardless of their standing in the marriage.

The fact that she wants the marriage to continue shows that the man is not that bad. He may have become a he-goat, but his wife still wants him.

(2) The woman is stubborn and quarrelsome:

Quote
The petitioner described his wife as stubborn and quarrelsome.
“Our marriage is full of fights and quarrels. Chinwe makes my home uncomfortable for me and my life unbearable.

A lot (if not all) Igbo woman are very stubborn and I blame that on the European marriage system copied by Igbo people.
In my book, stubbornness has its good side, but in an Igbo marriage, it is almost always bad when a man is sane, normal and in his right minds. When a man tells his wife to do something, she should do it, else conflict will result.

I personally would advise any Igbo man that wants to marry to avoid stubborn and quarrelsome women, because they tend to hamstring a man. A stubborn woman emasculates and takes away a man's prerogative to actions that he deems good for his family. In European marriage, what I'm saying may sound odd and preposterous. But in Igbo (and African) marriage, it is sound advise.

A disobedient wife would destroy her own marriage, but blame it on her husband.

I'm not in any way shape of form supporting this man's adulterous lifestyle. But his wife should stop fighting and start obeying him, and then gently win him back. It may already be too late in the day for this marriage because the woman is already beyond child-bearing age.

If I were the judge in this case, I would advice the couple to try again for another year, and then return afterwards for either withdrawal of the case or dissolution of the marriage.


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