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Date: October 14, 2019, 09:55:24 PM

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My Husband and I Have Sex Once a Month. Is It Enough?: Family : Nigerialog.com - Nigeria's Premier Online Forum

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My Husband and I Have Sex Once a Month. Is It Enough?

By: dayan (M) |Time : October 04, 2019, 06:43:57 AM
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"My husband and I have a loving, supportive marriage, but I’m worried about how often we have sex.
It’s always good when we have it, but neither of us feel the need to have it very often. My best guess is once a month? (Although I know that sometimes it’s less!) I have this latent fear that this isn’t enough, and that every married person I know is having sex more often. Am I worried over nothing? Or should we be making a greater effort to do the deed more?”

We live in a crazy new world, and there’s no denying that, across America, there’s a serious sexual decline. So what are we doing these days instead of having sex? Easy! We’re putzing around on our phones or tuning in (and zoning out) to HBO, Netflix, Hulu and Prime.

We are also marrying later in life, and as the average age of first marriage creeps up, the average person comes to a marriage with many of years of inconsistent sexual activity. In short: We get used to doing other things and not having sex.

According to the General Social Survey, research suggests that the average married person has sex roughly once a week. But there’s reason to believe this reported stat isn’t accurate. Specifically, because people are self-conscious about their sex lives, they often fudge the truth. For instance, the amount of condom sales do not match the amount of sexual acts in which people report using a condom. By a whole lot.

Here’s the truth: It’s really common to worry about whether or not you’re having enough sex, especially in a culture that’s so concerned with it. But I want to emphasize one of my core beliefs: Whatever amount of sex you’re having is “normal,” as long as you and your spouse are OK with the frequency.

If you are in a super-happy marriage, and you are both satisfied having sex just once a month and connecting in other ways, you are completely normal. There are many other people just like you! But you need to ask yourself this question:
Do I really want to have more sex, or am I concerned that my relationship isn’t sexual enough even though I’m happy?

If deep down you want to have more sex, and you feel you’re not sexually satisfied, then you need to bring it up with your husband outside the bedroom. Say, “Hey, I was wondering if we could try this new position I read about?” Or, “I would like to up our sexual frequency; should we start putting sex on the calendar?” Then, DO that. Put sex on the calendar. It’s amazing how easily you can up sexual frequency by preparing mentally and physically, early in the day.

If you are sexually satisfied, but concerned that your husband isn’t, ask that question directly. “Babe, are you satisfied with the type of sex we’re having and the frequency? I don’t have a problem with it, but I just want to make sure you feel good about our sex life.” Maybe there’s stuff he’d like to change. Maybe he’d like you to initiate more or be more dominant. Maybe he’d like to try new acts or positions. Maybe bringing this up will open the door to a great, open conversation. It sounds like you have a wonderful husband, who would be open to figuring this out together.

But maybe he is satisfied, and your worries are the same ones shared by millions of people—everyone else probably has a super-wild sex life, and we do not. In this case, I want you to breathe and remember that there’s a whole spectrum of sexual normalcy. What you’re telling me sounds very par for the course.

That said, if you are never interested in sex at all and you want to be, you can talk to your doctor. Sometimes, certain health conditions and medications can hinder your libido. And good news: There are fixes for this!

Bottom line: Our sex lives are not about “keeping up with the Joneses.” Check in with your partner. If he’s happy and you’re happy, I’m happy. End of story.

Source: Yahoo News

Re: My Husband and I Have Sex Once a Month. Is It Enough?

By: dayan (M) |Time : October 04, 2019, 06:49:42 AM
An unfortunate but fairly common phenomenon.

Re: My Husband and I Have Sex Once a Month. Is It Enough?

By: alagbe003 (M) |Time : October 04, 2019, 07:52:38 AM
It does not sound fair enough in this world of ours, some researchers say twice a week.

Re: My Husband and I Have Sex Once a Month. Is It Enough?

By: princepoint |Time : October 04, 2019, 10:50:56 PM
one a month 12 times in 365 days that too little

Re: My Husband and I Have Sex Once a Month. Is It Enough?

By: dayan (M) |Time : October 05, 2019, 05:06:18 AM
Quote
If deep down you want to have more sex, and you feel you’re not sexually satisfied, then you need to bring it up with your husband outside the bedroom. Say, “Hey, I was wondering if we could try this new position I read about?” Or, “I would like to up our sexual frequency; should we start putting sex on the calendar?” Then, DO that. Put sex on the calendar. It’s amazing how easily you can up sexual frequency by preparing mentally and physically, early in the day.

Hmm ... I have mixed feelings about this statement.

I agree with the part that says to tell a spouse that you are not sexually fulfilled whether inside or outside of bedroom.

It is a fundamental truth that must be said for peace to reign, or for sanity and decorum to rule the home.

Not talking about it only pushes the issue under the rug, until it bursts out in adultery in the most unexpected way,  time, and place!

The part I do not agree with is where it says to make a roster, calendar or timetable for sex. That would mechanize or automate the process so much that the intrigues that drive the "rush" in sex is killed off.

Scheduled sex (especially when nothing stands in the way) kills sexual tension and passion that drives healthy sex life. Sex -by its very nature - is a dirty tension-filled "game" (for lack of a better term). Once those start missing in the relationship, the frequency of sex subsides naturally.

That is essentially why couples who are otherwise happy with other aspects of their marriages have less sex.

And there is nothing wrong with that, unless in instances where one of them is not sexually fulfilled. Women tend to fall into this category often. A person can be happy, but not sexually fulfilled.

Some of those women are happy that their husbands provide and take care of their financial and romantic needs, but the sexual part may not be well taken care of. Again romance and sex are not necessarily one and the same thing! There can be romance without sex. If you doubt me watch the movie 'The Last American Virgin".

Such a woman may be otherwise very happy with her partially sexless life, but she is also very vulnerable, and wouldn't even know until she suddenly has sex with an unexpected person at an unexpected time and place!
That is why some Nigerian women whose husbands are very rich and provide them with all their material needs end up having sex with the driver or the gateman or the houseboy!

The problem, however, is that couples who are NOT even happy otherwise also sometimes fall into the same pitfall.

A lot of troubled couples are still happy with their marriages, though the marriages may not be sexual enough.

Again, unless BOTH partners are sexually happy and fulfilled, sexual accidents can happen.

So, my take is to take the opposite direction, essentially to introduce more spontaneity to the married sex life.

Play games (albeit safe ones), create occasional sexual scarcity, change existing routines to introduce spontaneity, take separate vacations or even take temporarily out of home area job postings to create a semblance of distance, and so on... ANYTHING to break routines and introduce "fake scarcity".

Nothing kills libido and sexual attracting better than over-availability of the sexual partners.

My 2 cents. 

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