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Date: June 18, 2019, 04:25:02 PM

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I’m In Love With A Married Woman. Help! : Family : Nigerialog.com - Nigeria's Premier Online Forum

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I’m In Love With A Married Woman. Help!

By: dayan (M) |Time : June 14, 2019, 09:45:15 PM
Question:
I found my soul mate. She’s perfect! Only problem is…she’s married.  Every time we say goodbye after a few stolen hours together, my heart breaks knowing she is going back to her husband. The three of us work for the same company. I can’t move to another state or find another job that pays as good. This little secret is killing me. What’s the point in feeling so connected with someone you can’t share your love with? Any advice on coping with this moral dilemma would be greatly appreciated.

Many thanks in advance.







Yangki’s Answer:
I won’t try to dismiss your strong feelings for her as a ‘crush’ or an ‘infatuation’ or a ‘passing fascination’, if you feel it’s love, then it’s love and I won’t dispute that. But remember she’s married to someone else and that means that she’s not yours – at least not right now. What’s making you feel so miserable is not because you love a married woman, what’s making you miserable is that you have expectations and those expectations are not being met.

Is she your soul mate? I don’t know. There are all kinds of different soul mates and not all soul mate relationships have to translate into a sexual or romantic relationship.

If you truly believe in your soul that this woman is your soul mate, then what I advice you to do is to quit obsessing over the fact that you can’t be with her in the way your ego wants and instead try to figure out why she came into your life. Is it to remind you that you need to reassess your life and the choices you make? Is it to bring to light things in your love life that may need work? Are you attracted to the idea of having her because she’s unavailable? Are you attracted to her because you are afraid of being in a relationship and she posses no threat? Do you have these feelings because she reminds you of what your soul really longs for? To ignore why you have feelings for this woman would be ignoring what your soul is trying to communicate to you.

Obsessing about the fact that you can’t be with her may be keeping you from finding a wonderful, unattached woman out there-who could be looking for you too; someone else who has the same terrific qualities you find attractive in this other woman.

I would not advice you to move especially if you have a job you love and has lots of career prospects. What I’d advice you to do is start looking at this woman with different lenses – the lenses of your soul. Treat her with respect and friendly affection and treat those she loves (husband and family) in the same way. You may end up with a friendship that goes on for decades. And remember, lives change over the course of decades. You might find that you’ve fallen out of love with her. She may find herself single again someday. Who knows what the future holds? But for now, do the right thing – which is also the wise thing to do

Source:datedoctor

Re: I’m In Love With A Married Woman. Help!

By: dayan (M) |Time : June 14, 2019, 09:47:47 PM
I was going to give a different answer/advice, but then I ran into this quote and it changes everything.

Quote
Every time we say goodbye after a few stolen hours together, my heart breaks knowing she is going back to her husband.

So, I will give a different answer.

Re: I’m In Love With A Married Woman. Help!

By: dayan (M) |Time : June 14, 2019, 10:11:04 PM
So, here we go!

People have MANY different reasons why they stray from their marriage commitments.

For that reason, it can be difficult to judge a situation and apportion blames accordingly.

In this case, the man is "stealing" the "love", which can mean a lot of things.

It can mean that the woman is not getting enough love (sex, care, etc) from her husband. Or it could still be that she is just a whore who would not miss any opportunity to have sex. And so on...

What I know, for sure, is that a man stealing sex with a married woman can NEVER make a sound judgment about the extent of love that exists between he and the woman.

Sexual tension can provide some of the most exciting and mind-blowing sexual experiences.

It is a natural thing for a man or woman to perform better in bed when they are "stealing it".

Animals perform better sexually when the sex happens in a situation of scarcity or competition of sorts.
It is for this reason that lifestock breeders separate the males on the day of breeding. The chosen male would be left with the females, while the other males are kept across the fence where they keep trying to come in but can't.

That forces the chosen male to go on and on even when tired.

Males love to compete for sex, and a man would have more sex with another man's wife even more that he would his own wife!
A man would have more sex with his wife if he thinks that she has a boyfriend or that men are eyeing her outside. That is all a natural thing.

So, this man is excited that he is having sex with another man's wife; a woman he cannot have.

That is what he thinks is love! He thinks he loves her, until she divorces to come stay with him, then suddenly the sex nose-dives and the true extent of chemistry (or love) that exist between them would be known.

That is why a lot of women who left their husbands for other men mostly fail in the second marriages, and by the time that happens, their first husbands would have moved on with other women!

That is how people make mistakes with their marriages.

My theory remains that sex alone should not define whether couples stayed together.

This is my new African belief. Sex should be separated from family building. Not saying that it should not be part of marriage. Just saying that it shouldn't be the be all and end all in marriage.

Couples should be able to sit down and lay all their cards on the table to create unique marriage contract for themselves.
What works for one couple should not necessarily be expected to work for the other.

What matters is that the couple is happy and not hurting anyone, be it individuals or society.

So, mister man, be careful!

Re: I’m In Love With A Married Woman. Help!

By: Gideon |Time : June 16, 2019, 03:48:25 AM
The man should be careful and remember the popular saying that what God has yoked together,no man should put asunder. The woman also should watch it so that adultery (a great sin) is not committed.

Re: I’m In Love With A Married Woman. Help!

By: alagbe003 (M) |Time : June 16, 2019, 08:06:20 AM
The man should find a way to detach his feelings for the married woman, because nemesis would soon catch up with them and it might cost him a lot(even his life). The Bible regard adultery as putting fire on one's bossom, won't he be burnt?

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