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I no longer desire my husband and want to end our marriage : Family : Nigerialog.com - Nigeria's Premier Online Forum

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I no longer desire my husband and want to end our marriage

By: dayan (M) |Time : August 23, 2019, 07:46:39 PM
I am in love with someone else, but my husband doesn’t want us to split up and I feel guilty at putting my own happiness before my family’s

I have no sexual desire for my husband of 23 years, although I love him as a person and the father of my children. I want to end the marriage, but he does not.

I am in love with someone else and we would like to be together – we have been friends for more than 20 years and lovers in between.

I would like to be true to myself and the people around me. I have agreed to relationship counselling at my daughter’s suggestion. I know it won’t do anything, but at least I can say I tried.

Also, I hope that speaking to a professional will help my husband acknowledge it is time to separate. I’ve always cared about my family’s happiness and feel so guilty for wanting to do what I want.


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Re: I no longer desire my husband and want to end our marriage

By: dayan (M) |Time : August 23, 2019, 08:15:48 PM
Quote
I have no sexual desire for my husband of 23 years, although I love him as a person and the father of my children. I want to end the marriage, but he does not.

I am in love with someone else and we would like to be together – we have been friends for more than 20 years and lovers in between.

In other words, this woman has been effectively marrying two husbands for 20 of the 23 years of her marriage.
Shocking, but happens...

But then that should trigger a question: If sex is the problem, why didn't she divorce him 20 years ago?

The answer to that question is complex, ranging from genuine hope that things would improve between them, to selfish convenience. The couple may have decided to not bother about it.
Selfishness is written all over this woman, but then maybe her husband always knew about this and loved her anyway. I doubt that she slept with her so called "friend" for 20 years without her husband knowing about it.
My theory is that he knew (maybe both couple knew) and still wanted to keep the marriage going.

In other words, this woman's sexual needs have been largely met for 20 years. She must not be less than 40 years, and that means she is no longer "hot blooded" and young -stuff you find among women still producing large amounts of female hormones. She is now settled in her middle age, probably getting into menopause when sex no longer mattered that much. Which means that her decision may in fact have nothing to do with sex. The decision may be FINANCIAL. With woman, finance is always a key factor in decisions about marriage.

Which makes me wonder why she wants to leave her husband now. Finance? Is he no longer financially as competent as he used to? Women can be cold when it comes to such things. Maybe now her "friend" is more financially stable than her husband, and she thinks to herself "why not just make this official".

Well, if that is in fact the case, there are issues to keep in mind.

If she leaves her husband, her "friend" would at first be glad to have her to himself alone ... but only for the first few weeks or months (I doubt years) during which they may have sex as if the world is about to end.

Then it would cool... and then cool further to realistic levels. Then he would reckon that he has had all he ever wanted -SEX.

Next, he would ask himself what next.

The weird way men's brain work in things like this, is that they would rather "steal" it than having the whole thing totally.

Then, he would start getting bored of her.

Next, his boredom would push him to start looking for the next unavailable woman, for the rush and excitement that comes with it.

He lands that next woman, then this wife becomes "used and damaged goods". "Old cargo".

Then he really starts trying to look for reasons to get rid of her. And that reason is very obvious "if she dumped her husband for me (for my money) what makes me think that she won't do the same to me if the next guy with deeper pocket shows up, or if I encounter an unexpected setback?"

He then dumps her, for real. She now feels used and dumped.

This is a very predictable cycle.
This woman is advised to stay with her husband and to continue mending her marriage, doing whatever that sustained them for 23 years, preparing for the future.

The grass may appear deceptively greener on the other side of the fence, but when you get there you find that it is the same grass!

Re: I no longer desire my husband and want to end our marriage

By: Ramjoe (M) |Time : August 26, 2019, 11:33:21 AM
In other words, this woman has been effectively marrying two husbands for 20 of the 23 years of her marriage.
Shocking, but happens...

But then that should trigger a question: If sex is the problem, why didn't she divorce him 20 years ago?

The answer to that question is complex, ranging from genuine hope that things would improve between them, to selfish convenience. The couple may have decided to not bother about it.
Selfishness is written all over this woman, but then maybe her husband always knew about this and loved her anyway. I doubt that she slept with her so called "friend" for 20 years without her husband knowing about it.
My theory is that he knew (maybe both couple knew) and still wanted to keep the marriage going.

In other words, this woman's sexual needs have been largely met for 20 years. She must not be less than 40 years, and that means she is no longer "hot blooded" and young -stuff you find among women still producing large amounts of female hormones. She is now settled in her middle age, probably getting into menopause when sex no longer mattered that much. Which means that her decision may in fact have nothing to do with sex. The decision may be FINANCIAL. With woman, finance is always a key factor in decisions about marriage.

Which makes me wonder why she wants to leave her husband now. Finance? Is he no longer financially as competent as he used to? Women can be cold when it comes to such things. Maybe now her "friend" is more financially stable than her husband, and she thinks to herself "why not just make this official".

Well, if that is in fact the case, there are issues to keep in mind.

If she leaves her husband, her "friend" would at first be glad to have her to himself alone ... but only for the first few weeks or months (I doubt years) during which they may have sex as if the world is about to end.

Then it would cool... and then cool further to realistic levels. Then he would reckon that he has had all he ever wanted -SEX.

Next, he would ask himself what next.

The weird way men's brain work in things like this, is that they would rather "steal" it than having the whole thing totally.

Then, he would start getting bored of her.

Next, his boredom would push him to start looking for the next unavailable woman, for the rush and excitement that comes with it.

He lands that next woman, then this wife becomes "used and damaged goods". "Old cargo".

Then he really starts trying to look for reasons to get rid of her. And that reason is very obvious "if she dumped her husband for me (for my money) what makes me think that she won't do the same to me if the next guy with deeper pocket shows up, or if I encounter an unexpected setback?"

He then dumps her, for real. She now feels used and dumped.

This is a very predictable cycle.
This woman is advised to stay with her husband and to continue mending her marriage, doing whatever that sustained them for 23 years, preparing for the future.

The grass may appear deceptively greener on the other side of the fence, but when you get there you find that it is the same grass!

Hehehehe... Nollywood movies  :))

You'd make a good script writer... A-list in fact

Re: I no longer desire my husband and want to end our marriage

By: dayan (M) |Time : August 28, 2019, 02:14:30 AM
Hehehehe... Nollywood movies  :))

You'd make a good script writer... A-list in fact

Thanks bro!
Y'know what tho'? I've never thought of it before.
Now I'm beginning to think of it.  8)

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