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Date: May 21, 2019, 08:09:06 AM

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How do I handle meeting his new love?: Family : Nigerialog.com - Nigeria's Premier Online Forum

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How do I handle meeting his new love?

By: dayan (M) |Time : May 15, 2019, 05:15:00 AM
Dear Bunmi,

A close friend of my ex, who’s also my good friend, is getting married and I’m obliged to attend the wedding. The problem is, my ex too will be there with his new partner. I’ll obviously make an attempt to look my best but I’m not really over the shock of the separation.

In spite of the fact that my ex has moved on, I haven’t and I’m dreading seeing him happy with someone else while I’m on my own. I strongly suspect the party will end with me feeling miserable and drinking too much. Any tips on how to avoid this happening?

Matilda, by e-mail



Dear Matilda,

My advice is for you not to walk into the wedding party alone no matter how many of the guests you know. Arrange for a good male friend to go with you. This will stop you feeling like you’re all alone in the world while he has someone.

Whilst you should look good, your wits should also be around you. Focus on your future. Walk into the party knowing your hurt would eventually go away when your heart heals completely.

You might still have feelings for your ex but it’s unlikely you’ll end up alone as good friends are bound to rally around you; you might even end up being as happy as your ex at the party. After all, it’s impossible to know if people are happy just by looking at them.

He found someone first and this hurts but it doesn’t mean he never loved you. So try not to see it as a betrayal of the relationship you had, but simply that he has moved on.

Stand clear of too much booze at the party. Getting drunk isn’t going to help you get through this, it will only inflame an already difficult situation. Just have a few drinks to relax and if you eventually run into your ex, simply say “Hello, lovely wedding, isn’t it?” and excuse yourself to get a drink or say hello to a friend, and move on. Once you’ve said hello, keep your distance and your back to them. Good luck.

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Re: How do I handle meeting his new love?

By: dayan (M) |Time : May 15, 2019, 05:31:09 AM
I don't agree with "Bunmi" on this, at least not totally.

Bunmi was right to suggest that the lady should attend the wedding, afterall when would she stop attending events just for fear or running into her ex? I mean cmon! ...

But where Bunmi is wrong is to suggest that she attends in the company of a man.

I'm assuming that this "ex" is an ex-husband rather than ex-boyfriend. It would even be a mistake to make such move in the case of a serious ex-boyfriend (someone who wanted to marry her initially).

As Bunmi admitted, there is no way of knowing whether the ex is happy with the presumed "new love".

The man may be as miserable as she is, but if he sees her with a man, any thoughts he may be remotely nursing of going back to her may die a final death. Too risky IMHO.

Men don't take it well when their ex "wife" starts hanging out with another man. Their ego alone would not take it lightly.
Men may be dogs, but they still want their women "untouched", and by "women" I mean WIFE. Anything can happen to girlfriends; men don't care much about that.  Wife is a different ballgame.

My advise to her is to attend in the company of another woman (a trusted friend maybe), and she should look her best and by "best" I mean she should still look wifely, though very attractive.

If the situation gets so bad for her, she can quietly leave or lean on her female friend.

But for her own good, she should not turn her back on the man and his new love. She should "bite the bullet" and look at them as if they are any other guests. This would also help her to begin to get over the man if he fails to reconnect with her after seeing her that day. It will be very painful, but she will recover, with time.

Going there with another man would send the wrong message, and kill whatever chance she has of getting her ex-husband back.

Re: How do I handle meeting his new love?

By: alagbe003 (M) |Time : May 15, 2019, 05:50:23 AM
I don't agree with "Bunmi" on this, at least not totally.

Bunmi was right to suggest that the lady should attend the wedding, afterall when would she stop attending events just for fear or running into her ex? I mean cmon! ...

But where Bunmi is wrong is to suggest that she attends in the company of a man.

I'm assuming that this "ex" is an ex-husband rather than ex-boyfriend. It would even be a mistake to make such move in the case of a serious ex-boyfriend (someone who wanted to marry her initially).

As Bunmi admitted, there is no way of knowing whether the ex is happy with the presumed "new love".

The man may be as miserable as she is, but if he sees her with a man, any thoughts he may be remotely nursing of going back to her may die a final death. Too risky IMHO.

Men don't take it well when their ex "wife" starts hanging out with another man. Their ego alone would not take it lightly.
Men may be dogs, but they still want their women "untouched", and by "women" I mean WIFE. Anything can happen to girlfriends; men don't care much about that.  Wife is a different ballgame.

My advise to her is to attend in the company of another woman (a trusted friend maybe), and she should look her best and by "best" I mean she should still look wifely, though very attractive.

If the situation gets so bad for her, she can quietly leave or lean on her female friend.

But for her own good, she should not turn her back on the man and his new love. She should "bite the bullet" and look at them as if they are any other guests. This would also help her to begin to get over the man if he fails to reconnect with her after seeing her that day. It will be very painful, but she will recover, with time.

Going there with another man would send the wrong message, and kill whatever chance she has of getting her ex-husband back.
I agree with your points.

Re: How do I handle meeting his new love?

By: Ramjoe (M) |Time : May 15, 2019, 09:02:42 AM
Dayan, don't mind Bunmi. These bollyhood stories are probably taking a toll on her - I mean, it's not a "couples" competition or anything of sort. It's a party.

Look good. Be yourself. It's either your healing takes a huge lift or your love resurrects but anyways don't make the occasion about your ex (if you can help it) - it's your friend's wedding day, celebrate!

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