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Date: September 15, 2019, 09:54:26 PM

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How can I handle my friend’s affair with my wife?: Family : Nigerialog.com - Nigeria's Premier Online Forum

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How can I handle my friend’s affair with my wife?

By: dayan (M) |Time : July 19, 2019, 04:54:22 PM
Dear Bunmi,

My childhood friend got appointed into a very juicy post and since then, my fortunes have changed. He’s thrown a lot of contracts my way and we’ve been able to complete our own house and change cars.

He has also made my wife the official caterer of the establishment he works with and she too has become financially secure in her own rights. But not as secure as the way she’s spending money. She buys any aso-ebi, no matter how expensive and the array of her jewels is mind-boggling.

Lately, her catering contract has been stretched to providing afternoon lunch for the directors and I’ve heard talks that my friend sleeps with my wife regularly and nobody in his office dares complain about her catering no matter how shoddy it is.

I tried to stop her working but my own contracts not only stopped, I found it difficult to collect money for the ones I’d already completed. So I lifted my ban, and of course, contracts started coming in again.

I feel humiliated that things have to be this way. The kids are now used to fancy things and I never want to go back to the days where I had to scrimp and save.

I’ve been advised to look the other way as things like that happen all the time. But I don’t love my wife any more even though I have this feeling that if I sent her packing, I, along with our three children, would be the ones to suffer. We’ve been married 19 years.

Albert,by e-mail.




Bunmi's response:
Dear Albert,

It is said that men use their wives as baits for contracts these days without batting an eyelid. It’s obvious you feel betrayed by your friend and your wife but is the affluence you now enjoy worth losing your self-respect? What about the children? Wouldn’t they realise that their mother is now the power broker in the family? Where would that leave you?

Your fear is that if you ask your wife to leave, she would laugh and happily dance out of your life. Sadly, you alone can choose between these two evils.

Source: Vanguard

Re: How can I handle my friend’s affair with my wife?

By: dayan (M) |Time : July 19, 2019, 04:55:16 PM
This is a VERY difficult problem ... the type we like to address here!
So, come back and keep checking for my response.
Coming soon ...  8)

Re: How can I handle my friend’s affair with my wife?

By: dayan (M) |Time : July 21, 2019, 06:08:31 AM
Two problems are identifiable from this story.

The first is this:
Quote
I tried to stop her working but my own contracts not only stopped, I found it difficult to collect money for the ones I’d already completed. So I lifted my ban, and of course, contracts started coming in again.

I feel humiliated that things have to be this way
.

In other words, the friend is using the contract as carrot and stick at the same time.
So, the man feels humiliated.


But then, the same man says this below:
Quote
The kids are now used to fancy things and I never want to go back to the days where I had to scrimp and save.

This means that the man is not willing to demote his, and the kids standard of living.
 

Re: How can I handle my friend’s affair with my wife?

By: dayan (M) |Time : July 21, 2019, 06:44:54 AM
Frankly, this case has almost solved itself already.
One just needs to look closely to see the solution.

What interests (and intrigues) me in this case is that it shows practical (real life)  problems that people deal with daily.

Some of the problems, like this one, is self-inflicted.

The man took his wife to his friend who was giving him contracts and, until he noticed that he was sleeping with her, there was no problem.
And even when he noticed, he couldn't cut back his taste to save his marriage.
He is now used to the good life that came with the contracts. So, he is the proverbial monkey whose hand is stuck in the narrow mouthed gourd. He does not want to unclinch his fist that grabbed some "goodies". So, he is stuck!

What I don't understand is WHY he is complaining.
Emotions are not solutions to practical issues.

For example, if his friend found his wife irresistible, and slept with her, there is really no amount of moral shaming that would make him stop -unless he didn't like the experience. That is how MALE brains work.

The only thing that may stop the adulterous relationship is if HE HIMSELF makes money, or finds alternative income to replace what the contracts bring.

And this is even assuming that money is the only issue now, because once two people have sex, there is no saying how they would feel about it afterwards. It can range from absolutely awful, to the best ever they've had.
That is why it is better not to taste it in the first place!

My 2 cents is that he should call his wife, sit her down, and ask her a battery of questions about WHY she is continuing the affair despite his objections. Is she in love with his friend now? Or is money the only issue?

If money is the only issue, he should try his level best to make money.
Though money is not what you make just because you got angry!  :))
You can be angry lifelong, and still NOT make money. lol  ;D ;D

So, let's assume that he can get lucky, or just make money. Then afterwards he should tell his wife to end the relationship since money is available now.

But, if she is loving the act, and the man, hence unwilling to left go, then it depends now on how much he loves his wife!
Can he live without her? As in, can he replace her or just divorce and leave with the children?

If the answer is yes, he should divorce her ASAP! Let the chips fall wherever they may!

If he cannot live without her, he should bite the bullet and keep his wife. :(

To reduce the danger from that, he should go and speak man to man with his friend, and let him know that he still objects to what the friend is doing, and then let them be.

Nemesis, (or God) has a way of sorting these types of cases.

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