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Date: October 16, 2019, 06:26:56 PM

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He wants to eat his cake and have it!: Family : Nigerialog.com - Nigeria's Premier Online Forum

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He wants to eat his cake and have it!

By: dayan (M) |Time : August 02, 2019, 04:00:07 PM
Dear Bunmi,

sunbunmi-lovenotes-ART.jpg
love

I’m a lawyer and practised for years up north where I met my current husband. He came on transfer from his company to set up a branch office and we got married legally after courting for a year.

He later came back to Lagos and urged me to join him. I wound up my practice and put up my house for rent. No sooner did I arrive at his house than I discovered he was already in a relationship with a divorced mother of two!

She was really shocked and bitter when she saw me, what’s more, the two of us were obviously pregnant at the same time! My husband told her in my presence that he loved us both but she wasn’t having any of it. Unfortunately, she lost her baby through a miscarriage because of all the stress and I had a little girl.

I’m fed up with the whole situation as my husband confessed he couldn’t do without this other woman as she’d helped and cared for him. I gave up a fairly lucrative practice to be with him for what? He says he still loves me and this other woman.

Miriam, by e-mail.

 

Dear Miriam,

Your husband is obviously conceited, self-deluding and confused. He had no right to lure you into this tragedy. To satisfy his need for companionship, sex and status, he has deceived and badly hurt two women he claims he loves.

This is the behaviour of a selfish man, a liar and a fraud and you have no business hanging around while he humiliates you with another woman.

Cut loose from this self-serving, greedy and manipulative man and make fresh start with your daughter.

You are a successful professional and if you could return to the north where you were once well established and contented, why don’t you?

Source

Re: He wants to eat his cake and have it!

By: dayan (M) |Time : August 02, 2019, 04:16:20 PM
Quote
Cut loose from this self-serving, greedy and manipulative man and make fresh start with your daughter.

NO ma! I respectfully disagree because you did not think through this very well.
You responded on impulse, as a woman, and in doing so allowed your impulse as a woman to guide your judgment of this.
You've had better responses in the past on this type of issue.
So, don't start now to fail!

My take is guided by this statement below:

Quote
My husband told her in my presence that he loved us both but she wasn’t having any of it.

Not to be misunderstood, I do not support the man's method of getting to this juncture.
He lied his way to this point, but he was willing to rectify the error by bringing the two women face to face and telling them his true feelings.

I'm a Christian who does not believe that God ever commanded monogamy for a man. Need to say that first.

Men routinely love more than one woman at the same time. What matters is that he is willing to marry them and bring them to be his wives. And he is doing just that. Men these days date tons of women and never marry any. They make "baby mamas" and leave children unprotected. That is unacceptable to me. Once children get involved, the game changes, for me!

Let's examine what would happen if the woman takes "Bunmi"s advice...

She would leave with the man's daughter to hopefully find another man who would marry her with that child and hopefully the new husband would love and treat this little girl as his and not abuse her as happens often?

The modern times have created circumstances whereby men rape their biological daughters these days. How much chance does a step daughter stand these days against the men of 21st century who were products of this narrative that Bunmi is advising here?

The man says he loved BOTH women. He should be given the opportunity to prove it.

The women should only leave if he fails to prove it.

Marrying more than one woman at a time is not for weak men (pun intended).

Re: He wants to eat his cake and have it!

By: alagbe003 (M) |Time : August 03, 2019, 02:37:40 PM
It is a dicey situation which needs proper analysis before taking decisions. The woman should be careful with her decision because it will have consequences on the innocent child.

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