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A letter to… my lover’s wife : Family : Nigerialog.com - Nigeria's Premier Online Forum

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A letter to… my lover’s wife

By: gifted |Time : January 02, 2019, 12:54:55 AM
I know you exist, which is more than can be said about me. You share his name, his child, his home and his public life. I share stolen moments which might just as well not exist. I share his thoughts, his dreams and his feelings; all that’s inside him, but nothing that’s part of external life.

You have a marriage of more than 20 years, which encompasses a few public and family activities; sharing the home you run, the child you both love from the bottom of your hearts. But your love for him dried up many years ago.

You are happy in the life you have carved out for yourself, but is he happy in a marriage in which you fulfil your selected responsibilities of a wife, but none of love?

Do you love him? If he were loved, would he have been actively seeking me? I don’t blame you – you stopped loving him. But why stay in a loveless marriage for the sake of appearances?

I ended it today because I got tired of not existing. He doesn’t want to hurt his child, and we kept trying to figure how we could work this out without doing so. It pained me to think I could bring his life crumbling down. I saw no way to go on. Nor did he; his child’s hurt was unbearable to him – his own and mine bearable in comparison.

Why won’t you give him the love he needs? Why won’t you give him the companionship and care that comes of loving someone, and not just the daily endeavours required of a publicly successful marriage?

I am not asking you to set him free, just that you understand and love him – and let him understand and love you. Make yours a marriage more than in name only. After all, you must have once had a real marriage? How can you be happy with the trimmings, but not the essence?

I have no right to say anything, and I know only one side of the story. But the man I know would have chosen you had you given him an iota of the love he seeks. He would still choose you because he feels duty bound, but he has been starved of romantic love and care.

When did the romance in you die and why? From all I know of your man, he would never have strayed. He is just not the type. Even as the girlfriend of a married man, who couldn’t share what we had in public, or demand proof of fidelity, he was faithful and went the extra mile lest I felt insecure. Why did you let that go?

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/dec/29/a-letter-to-my-lovers-wife

Re: A letter to… my lover’s wife

By: dayan (M) |Time : January 02, 2019, 09:35:28 AM
Well, at least she broke it off and actually wrote a letter to warn the woman to buckle up on her marriage.
Still doesn't make her prior actions right, but she is a good person who has conscience.
You cannot say the same thing about MOST cheaters.

Re: A letter to… my lover’s wife

By: alagbe003 (M) |Time : January 02, 2019, 05:27:25 PM
She is nice and has human feelings, her conscience is a clear one.

Re: A letter to… my lover’s wife

By: Ramjoe (M) |Time : January 02, 2019, 08:21:20 PM
Dating a married man is bad. Breaking up with him is cool, still doesn't make the whole thing cool like dayan noted.


About the wife...

We have to be careful how we treat people especially when we first meet 'em (be it for love or otherwise). I know a thing and it works for me - anything I can't keep up with, that I don't see myself doing in the long term, I don't start at all.

Women (and some men) can be funny when it comes to relationships more so if they ain't married yet - they do a lot more than they can manage, they go way out of their leagues just to please their men and get married. Simply put - they try to impress, no matter what. That's the problem.

May be that wife ain't the romantic type but she noticed how well the man received her whenever she "formed" romantic during courtship so may be she played along until she got married to him she felt she's got him nailed that he's got nowhere else to go - she's wrong.


Re: A letter to… my lover’s wife

By: dayan (M) |Time : January 02, 2019, 09:10:49 PM
Dating a married man is bad. Breaking up with him is cool, still doesn't make the whole thing cool like dayan noted.


About the wife...

We have to be careful how we treat people especially when we first meet 'em (be it for love or otherwise). I know a thing and it works for me - anything I can't keep up with, that I don't see myself doing in the long term, I don't start at all.

Women (and some men) can be funny when it comes to relationships more so if they ain't married yet - they do a lot more than they can manage, they go way out of their leagues just to please their men and get married. Simply put - they try to impress, no matter what. That's the problem.

May be that wife ain't the romantic type but she noticed how well the man received her whenever she "formed" romantic during courtship so may be she played along until she got married to him she felt she's got him nailed that he's got nowhere else to go - she's wrong.

Very important point...
I watched a show whereby  a woman was having affair and the thing threw up paternity questions about the woman's baby. In court, the woman's lover was blaming the husband of the woman for the situation!
He was saying that the husband knew that the woman was his lover before he married her. He said that the husband knew that the lovers never stopped seeing each other. The dude was so annoying and had no empathy whatsoever for the husband in question. Right there in court he said that the lovers would never stop seeing each other. Classical case of what the Igbo say that he who fetches ant-infested firewood inadvertently invites the lizards to a feast!

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