img Nigerialog.com - Nigeria's Premier Online Forum - "A**hole" Husband Proves Why Some Wives Have Separate Savings Accounts
Welcome, Guest.
Did you miss your activation email?

Date: September 29, 2020, 10:01:14 PM

Contact
imgimgimg

"A**hole" Husband Proves Why Some Wives Have Separate Savings Accounts: Family : Nigerialog.com - Nigeria's Premier Online Forum

148 views

"A**hole" Husband Proves Why Some Wives Have Separate Savings Accounts

By: dayan (M) |Time : August 18, 2020, 11:47:27 PM
This husband threatened to take half of his wife’s savings because she was keeping it a ‘secret’

Raise your hand if you’re a woman and at some point in your early adult life, an elder woman in your family told you to always have money on hand that your husband doesn’t know about. Not because being sneaky in a marriage is okay if a woman does it, but because our mothers and grandmothers have seen what happens when women who have less agency over their finances get totally screwed if their marriages break up. Well, this husband in Reddit’s “Am I The Asshole” subreddit found out about his wife’s stash, and unintentionally proved why some women need these accounts.

Sure, you could say 2020 looks a lot different than the periods of time our grandmothers were getting married. But also, in a lot of ways it doesn’t! Which is why some wives (who are able to) keep some money tucked away for a “rainy day.” That “rainy day” could be financial hardship or it could be “my husband abandoned me and my children and now I’m f*cked.” You never know, really, so it can’t hurt to be prepared.

Unless you’re this guy.

“I found out that my wife of 4 years has been having a secret savings account,” he writes. “I just went through financial documents in our house because something was wrong, and I figured it out.”

He says his wife has had the account for about four years and has been consistently depositing 10% of her income into it every year. Suffice to say, he’s not happy — even though she told him she was saving in case something happened to him, or if he started abusing her, she’d have something to fall back on.

“I find that extremely illogical and that it’s pretty bad that she’s been lying this whole time,” he continues. He says she’s been “hiding $25,000” and he’s salty because he puts money right into their joint account. She told him he can start putting 10% of his own income into his own account, if he wants to.

“I then threatened to take 40% of my income(4 years times 10%) and put it into a separate account just for me,” he says. “She’s now saying that’s financial abuse and called me an asshole if I did that. I honestly don’t see what she’s thinking. She put 40% of her income and it’s been accruing interest.”

Now his wife is temporarily staying with friends and they’re “probably getting a divorce” but he still wants to know what people think. So, in true Reddit form, they let him know.



Can he be insulted and a little upset? Sure, no one’s telling him how to feel. But what he needs to realize is that this isn’t a personal insult to him. This is a woman who knows that in a patriarchal world, women have to look out for themselves.

No one goes into a marriage expecting it to implode. But you can’t fault a woman for protecting herself should things go downhill. My grandmother loved my grandfather fiercely until his dying breath. But she also knew he liked the sauce and that there was value in not having to rely on him for money should things go kaput.

It’s rarely ever men who need protection when marriages don’t work out — financially, legally, or physically.


Source

Re: "A**hole" Husband Proves Why Some Wives Have Separate Savings Accounts

By: dayan (M) |Time : August 19, 2020, 12:25:30 AM
Quote
“I find that extremely illogical and that it’s pretty bad that she’s been lying this whole time,” he continues. He says she’s been “hiding $25,000” and he’s salty because he puts money right into their joint account. She told him he can start putting 10% of his own income into his own account, if he wants to.

“I then threatened to take 40% of my income(4 years times 10%) and put it into a separate account just for me,” he says. “She’s now saying that’s financial abuse and called me an asshole if I did that. I honestly don’t see what she’s thinking. She put 40% of her income and it’s been accruing interest.”

This is one of those situations that create big problems for African families living in western world, hence I had to share this story here.

To the westerner (.i.e. person of European ancestry) it may be normal to call this man an "a-hole" because he threatened to retaliate his wife's moves. To the African though, this ( a woman squirrelling away her money) is BIG DEAL because the underlying culture is vastly different.

I take my Igbo ethnic culture for an example ...

In Igbo culture, a man basically works his ass off creating and building his family wealth until he is "READY FOR MARRIAGE".
When an Igbo man tells you that he is ready for marriage, it means he is ready to take care of his wife and children SOLO without his wife's help. At least that is how he envisions his family.

He works and provides ALL his family's needs. And he actually does this (working and taking care of all his family's financial needs) until perhaps he moves to the West, or fails in his career or business somehow...

While he was doing all those things before, he (according to his culture of course) assumed that his wife is HIS, and EVERYTHING SHE OWNED BELONGED TO THIS family (he is the head of the family, per this culture).
He holds all the family wealth in trust for the family. He NEVER envisages divorce... and most Igbo hardly divorce anyway.

Then, he moves to the west and, due to countless cultural conflicts, his marriage starts to creak.
Then his wife starts squirrelling away money "just in case". From that, she may even take other steps to separate her finances from his, never mind that in the culture that brought them together, such action is almost alien.
THIS IS THE CAUSE OF MANY DEADLY CONFLICTS AMONG AFRICANS IN DIASPORA.

But I have a very simple solution to this.

The man in this story above should go ahead and save his 40% to a separate account, and actually escalate the savings going forward, because the woman obviously has no trust in the marriage.

The majority opinion from the source of this article is that the man is wrong and an asshole, but I beg to disagree. In the western world, women have better job opportunities than men, and women have a certain level of more systemic empathy than men. In the western world, it is as if men committed an ageless crime by being men, and having ruled the roost for long, and as such men get little or no empathy at all if they fall through the cracks. Men end up in the streets thrice faster than women! FACT!

Any man who falls through the cracks in the western world is totally FCKED! I know someone like that who was a lawyer and had to leave a western country and returned to Nigeria. His saving grace was that he became a judge in Nigeria, but I digress...

In the western world, men have NOTHING to bargain with. Women sometimes have children and, for that alone, they get the house and other systemic pecks.

So, a man who wants to survive the western marriage system MUST provide personal financial security, and use ALL means to keep them safe, "just in case".

A marriage is supposed to be an exercise in TRUST and LOVE. Squirrelling away family wealth in the name of "just in case" female feelings of economic insecurity, is not a way to prove love and trust.

When the man was bringing all his money into the family, was he being a mugu?
Didn't he know about "just in case" situations?
A lot of men have walked into their homes and found other men on top of their wives, even while the wives maybe the breadwinners. Isn't that something a man should worry about, too?

Therefore I say, let them save away APART of course, because two can play that game, and MAY THE BEST PLAYER/SAVER WIN!

Maybe some day when trust and love enter the marriage, the couple would do away with selfishness.

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic. Reply

web site traffic statistics