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I’m a 40-year-old woman with a great career and my own home —so why am I so sad?: Career : Nigerialog.com - Nigeria's Premier Online Forum

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I’m a 40-year-old woman with a great career and my own home —so why am I so sad?

By: dayan (M) |Time : December 09, 2016, 09:24:29 PM
I’m a 40-year-old woman with a great career and my own home — so why am I so unhappy?

This woman feels like she has sacrificed everything to achieve financial security





Dear Moneyologist,

I’m in a rut. I recently bought a home, thanks to an inheritance from my father’s estate. I have a full-time job teaching at a local high school. I’m 40 years old, and yet I feel like I have let life pass me by. I don’t have a husband and children. I spent the first part of my life in the rat race, striving for what I don’t know, but when I got to the top of the mountain of my chosen profession — finance — it was not what I expected it to be. When I looked to the future, all I could see was a vast empty space.

My problem is different to other people who have written to you. I do have financial security, and I have more than my own parents had at my age. I was fortunate to buy a house in 2010 after the housing crash, unlike many of my peers, and I have savings of more than $30,000 set aside for a rainy day, again in contrast to many people my age. But I feel like I’ve sacrificed everything else to achieve this financial security. What happens next?

Melissa in Washington, D.C.






Dear Melissa,

It sounds like you are at a crossroads in your life rather than a rut. A change of administration in the U.S. is as good a time as any for some soul-searching, especially when it comes to your priorities.

You have made so many positive decisions in your life and the biggest — your job — you have changed. It takes a lot of guts to leave a high-paying job to go work as a teacher in a high school, so I take my hat off to you for that. (I have a few hats, and I take them all off to you.) You have also learned a valuable life lesson at a relatively young age. While everyone appears to be rushing somewhere — to be the king and queen of their own world — you have already realized that it’s the journey, not the destination, that should matter most. And you have even managed to come to that conclusion without a trip to a Buddhist retreat in India.

You’re in the right place, both in your life and in your chosen city. Washington, D.C., was listed by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention as the No. 1 city in the U.S. for women aged 40 to 44 who had their first child, ahead of New York and Massachusetts. I hope this does not make you feel like a number but rather that you’re not alone: First birth rates for women aged 40 to 44 rose more than fourfold from 1985 to 2012 (from 0.5 to 2.3 per 1,000). First birth rates for women aged 35 to 39 started to increase in the mid-1970s and rose sixfold from 1973 to 2006 (from 1.7 to 10.9 per 1,000).

We each face different questions in every decade of our life, and the main thing to remember is — and people usually panic when you say this, but I’m going to say it anyway — don’t panic. Marcia Reynolds, a life coach and author of “The Discomfort Zone” and “Wander Woman,” two books about finding contentment, says women face a quarter-life crisis at 29, and it does not go away after that, but the questions do change with each milestone. At age 30, she says, women focus on career choices. At age 40, the questions turn to the purpose of life and, at age 50, they focus on legacy.

Reynolds poses questions to ask when taking stock of your life. Here are some of those: “What have I accomplished that I am proud of? Is there something I need to leave behind in order to move forward? Is there something more important and fulfilling that I can focus on now? What do I dare doing? What have I been afraid to do? What step can I take now to find out what is on the other side?” Yes, you have worked hard for your financial freedom, but it seems you are afraid of not finding the right man, and yet you have proven yourself to be fearless already.

I find myself asking, “What would Oprah say?” I think she would tell you to live in the moment, take pride in the knowledge that these high-school kids will remember you for the rest of their lives and know that you have built a life that will attract the right person. You might also consider dating sites, adoption and/or having a baby through other means, too. The Dalai Lama and Judge Judy would probably say the same thing as Oprah. When we focus on what we don’t have rather than what we do have, we are plunged into a state of want and become children again, needing that candy or toy to make us feel happy.

You’re only halfway through your life. You’re right about one thing: You have dodged a few economic bullets over the last 10 years. Keep on the path you’re on.


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Re: I’m a 40-year-old woman with a great career and my own home —so why am I so sad?

By: dayan (M) |Time : December 09, 2016, 09:27:17 PM
Quality case and quality advise for today's life.

Re: I’m a 40-year-old woman with a great career and my own home —so why am I so sad?

By: naijarian (F) |Time : December 12, 2016, 11:01:36 AM
Hmmmm
She isn't that old yet. I think she can adopt or get a surrogate but if she had lived a healthy active life, her body should be able to carry a child, if not surrogacy or adoption.

I wish her good luck.

Re: I’m a 40-year-old woman with a great career and my own home —so why am I so sad?

By: Joyous (F) |Time : February 03, 2017, 08:53:32 AM
I think that the unhappiness is cos of no husband or you answer your self. Money is no everything.

Re: I’m a 40-year-old woman with a great career and my own home —so why am I so sad?

By: Ramjoe (M) |Time : February 03, 2017, 09:22:02 AM
She shouldn't feel bad. Money isn't everything yet it is something. Like stated up there focusing on the things we lack just makes us sad... Enjoy the ones you have, position yourself rightly enough to receive the ones you are hoping for and trust God to make things work.

Re: I’m a 40-year-old woman with a great career and my own home —so why am I so sad?

By: Joyous (F) |Time : February 03, 2017, 02:30:38 PM
She shouldn't feel bad. Money isn't everything yet it is something. Like stated up there focusing on the things we lack just makes us sad... Enjoy the ones you have, position yourself rightly enough to receive the ones you are hoping for and trust God to make things work.
You seems to be forgetting something, Rammy. Human needs are in-searchable. We enjoy the ones we have and become unhappy or jealous about the ones we don't have. That is world for you 

Re: I’m a 40-year-old woman with a great career and my own home —so why am I so sad?

By: Ramjoe (M) |Time : February 03, 2017, 10:22:32 PM
You seems to be forgetting something, Rammy. Human needs are in-searchable. We enjoy the ones we have and become unhappy or jealous about the ones we don't have. That is world for you

My point is, we don't necessarily have to be unhappy... Yes, human needs are just in ways inexhaustible yet we can be happy even in that insatiable state...  Knowing fully well that we will stay jealous and unhappy till the end of time if we don't enjoy the things we do have.

Re: I’m a 40-year-old woman with a great career and my own home —so why am I so sad?

By: Ramjoe (M) |Time : February 03, 2017, 10:24:23 PM
You seems to be forgetting something, Rammy. Human needs are in-searchable. We enjoy the ones we have and become unhappy or jealous about the ones we don't have. That is world for you

Rammy, uh?  ::)

Re: I’m a 40-year-old woman with a great career and my own home —so why am I so sad?

By: Joyous (F) |Time : February 03, 2017, 10:40:18 PM

Re: I’m a 40-year-old woman with a great career and my own home —so why am I so sad?

By: Joyous (F) |Time : February 03, 2017, 10:42:11 PM
My point is, we don't necessarily have to be unhappy... Yes, human needs are just in ways inexhaustible yet we can be happy even in that insatiable state...  Knowing fully well that we will stay jealous and unhappy till the end of time if we don't enjoy the things we do have.
Personally, I understand that but tell that to the world .

Re: I’m a 40-year-old woman with a great career and my own home —so why am I so sad?

By: Ramjoe (M) |Time : February 03, 2017, 10:44:54 PM
Personally, I understand that but tell that to the world .

Well, I have started... I won't bulge at any chance to say that to anyone who will listen...

Re: I’m a 40-year-old woman with a great career and my own home —so why am I so sad?

By: Ramjoe (M) |Time : February 03, 2017, 10:46:10 PM

Re: I’m a 40-year-old woman with a great career and my own home —so why am I so sad?

By: Joyous (F) |Time : February 03, 2017, 10:50:19 PM
Well, I have started... I won't bulge at any chance to say that to anyone who will listen...
That's a good start, men

Re: I’m a 40-year-old woman with a great career and my own home —so why am I so sad?

By: Joyous (F) |Time : February 03, 2017, 10:52:04 PM
Hmmm... No Joe?  :D
ok, I will go with Joey, hope you like this one.

Re: I’m a 40-year-old woman with a great career and my own home —so why am I so sad?

By: Ramjoe (M) |Time : February 03, 2017, 10:55:32 PM
ok, I will go with Joey, hope you like this one.

Hehehehe...
You just want to call me "differently"...

Yes, I like that one... Jay

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